Love and money: Advice for keeping both

My husband and I aren't big on celebrating Valentine's Day. But we are big on making sure that our financial values are in harmony. That's worth its weight in diamonds and boxes of chocolate, right?

Plenty of other couples aren't on the same page of the checkbook register. One's a tightwad, the other's a spendthrift, and they haven't found a way to meet in the middle. Or they fight about how much to save and whether to carry debt. Some hide purchases from their partner and avoid broaching the topic of money altogether.

Instead of celebrating this Valentine's Day with a dozen roses or an overpriced meal, why not use the occasion as an excuse to talk money with your honey?

I asked marriage experts, financial educators and financial planners to share their strategies for achieving marital money bliss. Here's a compilation of the best tips. You can find more information at my blog: www.startribune.com/mcguire.

Establish a money meeting. 'Tis the season for State of the Unions. Why not have your own financial state of the union meeting, suggests Christina Boyd, a financial planner with Merrill Lynch Wealth Management in Wayzata. Use this annual meeting to have an in-depth discussion about both long- and short-term goals.

Others have money meetings more regularly. Cherie Landwehr and her husband sit down monthly to discuss how they'll spend their paychecks, "so the other person isn't 'surprised' by the new bass boat in the driveway," the St. Cloud-based certified public accountant explains. "It is the only way we can really be in touch with the other about our money and where it goes."

Create a plan to reach long-term goals. Studies have shown that opposites do attract, even when it comes to money. How should the saver make sure the spender will be able to retire? How should the spender convince the saver it's time to go on vacation? With a list of shared goals and a strategy to achieve them, said Kay Kramer, of KLB Financial in Edina.

It's OK for one of you to handle the money. William Doherty quickly learned that his wife was better at paying the bills and tracking the money. So she took over the day-to-day finances, and has been managing them for much of their 40-year marriage. But that doesn't mean the University of Minnesota professor and author of "Take Back Your Marriage," is in the dark. "In a marriage, both parties have to know everything about their finances. Ignorance creates imbalance in the relationship, and secrets kill trust," he said.

Have a plan if you're hit by a bus. No one likes to think about what happens to your loved ones if you get sick or die, but taking steps to care for and protect your family when you're no longer able to is a sure sign of love. Have a will. Let your family know your final wishes, and where to find your important papers. Review your life insurance policy. Consider a disability policy. And think about long-term care.

Mike Westling, a long-term care insurance specialist with Newman Long Term Care in Richfield, has watched his father, who was in a serious car accident in 2004 and is in assisted living, spend about $4,000 a month on his care. "A long-term care insurance policy is the best form of saying 'I love you' to your spouse and family, because removing the looming responsibility of day-to-day care giving on the family is truly a gift and a blessing," Westling said.

Set up a threesome. "It's too bad couples are an even number of people. Nobody is there to break a tie when there's a conflict," said Jeff McComas, founder of the Minnesota Diehards, a local group of investors who believe in Vanguard founder John Bogle's passive approach to savings. Need a third opinion? Get one, suggests Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis vice president Richard Todd in this poem:

Money trouble makes honey trouble, and

So if you have one or the other,

See a counselor on the double.

Finally, if you still want to give something to your lover for Valentine's Day, remember University of Minnesota financial educator Jennifer Garbow's advice: "Keep gifts thoughtful, simple and inexpensive. Remember, you both want to retire before you are too old to remember why you married each other in the first place."