"Mike Pence is in the house!" my longtime friend Jeff declared last weekend when I stepped into his new microbrewery. This was met with a chorus of groans and chuckles from the bar. "How are things going?" he asked. "Oh, you know," I played along halfheartedly, knowing that most everyone else still thinks this is funny. "I'm just messing everything up as quickly as possible."
I am not, of course, Mike Pence, the governor of Indiana and now our vice president-elect, God help us all. If anything, I am in many ways the opposite of the governor: a progressive atheist software developer who, having been raised a Jehovah's Witness, has a healthy aversion to Orwellian thought-control cults of any political or religious origin.
It's been a tough year to be Mike Pence. Not that I have ever had a strong affinity for my name as a unique identifier, having been raised, like the VP-elect's son, as a Mike Pence Jr., and never having had a strong reaction to the always-raised "Mike or Michael?" question. But sometimes you don't value a thing until you have lost it, and when people suddenly associate your name with someone you personally find to be a monster.
I have been @mikepence on Twitter since 2007, proudly ensconced in a network of movers and shakers in the digital revolution. Little eruptions of misdirected outrage have polluted my notifications over the years as Rep. Pence and then Gov. Pence embraced political stances that marginalized gay people in search of wedding cakes and legitimacy, or women in search of the right to control their own reproductive health.
I have taken this misdirected anger in stride, hurling my own 140-character missives in the politician's direction as I saw fit. But with the governor's selection as Donald Trump's enabler-in-chief, any hope of being known strictly for who I am, rather than for who I am not, went out the proverbial window.
Certainly, I have been party to our collective progressive depression since the election, but I have vacillated from angrily protesting what the governor stands for to giddily impersonating him, insinuating a romantic relationship with Orange Hitler and mocking his true believers.
Nor have I been spared some awkward interactions in real life. While volunteering to work with local students during a recent hackathon, I was determined to avoid offering political opinions, or even discussion, in the course of the three-day event. "You really hate that guy, don't you," a student offered out of the blue. At my confused glance, he said, "Yeah, I read your Twitter."
My bank teller recently laughed out loud at my name, confiding that as a school principal in Indiana she had personally seen Pence's largesse as he delivered winter coats to needy children. He is actually a nice guy in person, she assured me, which left me wondering what kind of person warms the needy in the morning and throws their rights out in the cold in the afternoon, in the name of Jesus.