Gilson: When things belong together, write them that way

I often think of the Colorado College student who challenged me with this question: "Why do you always look for errors in someone's writing?"

I told him I do not look for errors; they leap off the page. Good writing and great writing leap off, too, and I can't wait to share those passages.

In a moment, I'll invite you to share a favorite passage.

But first, a sentence that illustrates a fundamental error in writing:

"Justin says the same thing happened to him in high school, where he turned a classmate who had a crush on him down."

Show me a reader who does not have to forage to track the meaning.

The words "turned" and "down" have drifted from each other. Better to write, "Justin says the same thing happened to him in high school, where he turned down a classmate who had a crush on him."

That sentence reminds me of my high school days and my sadness that female classmates had no sports teams to try out for, no encouragement to be athletic.

Some might have developed skills we see today in women's professional basketball — to which several friends and I are addicted. Addicted not only to games, but to players' life stories.

When I was reading the biography of WNBA all-star Candace Parker of the Chicago Sky, this sentence leaped out:

"Parker and her family moved to Naperville, Illinois, at the age of two, where she spent her childhood."

Gobbledygook.

Better to write: "When Parker was two, she and her family moved to Naperville, Illinois, where she spent her childhood."

These examples may seem trivial, but they illustrate serious shortcomings. By keeping elements together that belong together, we avoid muddling meaning.

Now, please send me a passage you love, and tell all of us why you love it.