Q Recently I received feedback that I'm not "approachable." I consider myself a friendly person, but know that I come off as very serious. What can I do to appear more open?

A Remain authentic while adapting your style so you won't be misinterpreted.

The inner game

People are initially influenced most by appearances, so look at yourself from the outside. Consider your body language. Do you tend to cross your arms and legs, which sends a closed-off message? How about your facial expressions? Your face may naturally fall into a serious look in repose, but notice if your expression tends to be tense or relaxed. To see these patterns, stop and take a moment in meetings, walking down a hall, sitting at your desk, or in the lunchroom and think about how you look to others.

Consider how expressive you are. If you keep your emotions tightly in check, people may find you hard to get to know. This, in turn, can give the impression that you don't want to be approached. Notice how much enthusiasm you show, or even how much stress or frustration you express.

Check your interactions. If people come up to you, do you give them your full attention? Are you comfortable with eye contact? Or, do you continue to do other things? Multitasking may send a "stay away" message.

Make a point of getting more feedback from people you trust. Ask for specific input on your demeanor, including comments on patterns that you may already have noticed.

Then look at your intentions. You consider yourself friendly; what does that mean? How do friendly people behave and feel? Consider how well your outer self matches your inner, looking at what you have learned from your observations and others' feedback. Then, examine the gap to decide where to focus.

The outer game

Don't take on too much. Like any new habit, changing your interaction style will take repetition, and trying to do too many things will doom you to failure. Instead, choose one area where you feel confident of success and focus on it for several weeks.

Need some ideas on specific changes that might make a difference? Here are a few to get you started.

If you've decided that you:

Turn people off with a frown: Don't paste on a fake smile. But do notice if your face tends to be tense, and consciously relax and soften your expression. Also, tell people! "This is my thinking face" can turn your expression into something that is understood and accepted.

Multitask in public: Focus on the person you're with. Set down your BlackBerry or turn away from your computer. Make eye contact and welcome them with your full attention.

Have uninviting body language: Relax. Unfold your arms. Unhunch your shoulders. Take some deep breaths to help yourself unwind.

Some of these steps may feel forced at first. Accept that your new behavior may feel uncomfortable, and test them against your inner self to make sure that you aren't crossing the authenticity line.

The last word

Letting your inner self out will help others find you approachable, no matter your personal style.

What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a credentialed coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com or 651-398-4765. Questions also can be submitted at www.deliverchange.com/coachscorner.