In her weekly parenting newsletter, Jessica Grose of the New York Times recently touched on a popular pandemic side conversation — the growing disparity between mother's and father's time spent on child care and, resultingly, its effect on mothers reducing their number of working hours.
While Grose points to ample arguments and even soon-to-be published research supporting claims that women are forgoing work outside the home for child care duties, she doesn't offer much in the form of an explanation as to why this is the case. In fact, no one has discussed it.
What is true in our house, as is likely true elsewhere across the country, is that my husband makes more money than me. In uncertain times (and to be frank, most times), it makes sense for us to lean in to the highest wage-earner. So his job takes precedence over mine when one of us has to take care of our kids. Although I know he values the work I do, many of our arguments over the years have stemmed from this fact. I value my work and my contributions, and I want my career to be treated equally, but I make less money. I recognize this is a small part of a larger conversation around gender roles, but I'm not interested in having that conversation right now.
In pandemic times, what matters most immediately is that my family can continue to pay our mountain of fixed expenses and that we can put some money away in savings for unexpected medical expenses, retirement and emergencies.
When nothing is certain and normal is being redefined, my husband needs to continue to show up and be a valuable, reliable, innovative employee so he keeps his job and his paycheck. To lose his salary would be much worse than to lose mine.
That isn't sexist, it's just reality.
If schools continue to remain closed to in-person instruction, then my fellow working moms and I will, out of necessity, continue to lean out of the workforce and into caring for our children.
So what I really want to discuss is the reopening of schools, with the understanding that first we need to take politics out of this discussion. Our headline-hungry society is being overrun with myopic viewpoints and oversimplified binary choices; if she says "schools must open," then we should announce "schools cannot open." But this is not a political decision.