Young people get tools to curtail dating abuse

The news that hip-hopper Chris Brown allegedly beat up his girlfriend, pop star Rihanna, shocked a lot of people -- not only because of their celebrity status and the viciousness of the attack, but because they're so young; 19 and 20, respectively.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, 16- to 24-year-old females are the most likely to be victims. In a recent survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in 11 youths nationwide reported being physically abused by a dating partner.

In Minnesota, the figures are comparable. In 2007, 15 percent of female high school seniors responding to the statewide Minnesota Student Survey answered yes to the question: "Has someone you were going out with ever hit you, hurt you, threatened you or made you feel afraid?" Seven percent of male seniors also answered yes.

The results indicate increases of a few to several percentage points since the previous survey, which featured fewer dating-abuse questions, in 2004.

"In middle school and high school, impulse control is still developing," said Tamara Taylor, who oversees youth and family programs at Tubman Family Alliance in Minneapolis. "The ability to slow down, stop and think is more of a core challenge for adolescents than for adults."

Tubman, the state's largest domestic-abuse support provider, runs violence prevention programs for 3,000 students in 44 schools throughout Hennepin, Ramsey and Washington counties. The six-week programs include role-playing intended to increase students' empathy and ability to recognize their own harmful behavior, whether they're abusers, victims or both.

Muhammad Diaz, a senior at Harding High School in St. Paul, said that the program made him feel better about experiences he has had, particularly about having been on the receiving end of violence.

"The best thing was stopping the holding everything in, expressing how we felt about it," he said. "I feel bad for other people going through it. It's different when you're younger, because you don't know how to handle your emotions. You don't understand that you can do so much better."

The students are taught that cyberbullying, excessive text-messaging and making threats may escalate to something physical, and that even if they don't, it's still emotional abuse.

"The younger you are, the harder it is to recognize behavior that's inappropriate," Taylor said. "Add to that all the biological changes happening to them, and it can have tenfold the effect that it does on adults. They feel more shame and self-blame, and guilt over wanting to still be with the person who abuses them."

The increase in reports of teen dating abuse, which is higher in many other states, is partly the result of increased awareness. But Taylor has observed what she calls a "normalizing" of violence among youths.

"With technology, everything's faster-paced and there are so many more visual representations of violence that they see. Some might form identities around being violent that gets them positive social reinforcement rather than negative."

Taylor isn't just talking about the boys. Becky McQueen, who teaches health at Harding, said that in the past five years, she has observed that girls are now almost as likely to act out physically as are their male classmates, both with each other and with their boyfriends.

"Yesterday, a guy was teasing a girl in the hallway and she turned around and just slugged him in the arm," McQueen said. "It's good that more girls are no longer willing to just sit there and take it, but they shouldn't resort to that way of dealing with it."

Taylor said that unlike drug addiction, suicide and unwanted pregnancy, dating abuse is "sometimes not seen as a big need area for youth" by adults. She hopes that students themselves will help to change that perception with a program starting in April. Movement for Violence Prevention will train 10 teenagers in public speaking to educate their peers. The pilot program will take place in suburban Washington County, because "while they have similar statistics to the cities, there isn't as much access to resources," Taylor said.

Kristin Tillotson • 612-673-7046