Withering Glance: Stereotypes: Fit and miss

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, relationships, grooming and more in a weekly dialogue.

CP: I've been an out homo since the Ford administration ...

RN: ... You mean, when I was in junior high?

CP: ... and that whole time I've found myself at odds with the so-called gay community on several fronts. Musicwise, it's been a source of embarrassment that "gay music" has widely been understood to mean disco, dance, house, trance and techno.

RN: That's a little harsh, isn't it? You won't even claim Jimmy Somerville? Black Box? The Go-Gos?

CP: Don't get me wrong, I heart all those bands. It's the anonymous thump-thump megamixes spawned by coked-up "producers" and washed-up divas -- and played by out-of-touch DJs -- that make me want to die of barfness.

RN: That's so "Project Runway." I wish you were watching so we could dish it. Anyway.

RN: It's not just music. I get a little tired of what playwright Paul Rudnick once brilliantly labeled "Shebonics." As in, when a gay male hisses, 'Smell her, who does she think she is?' and the person in question is in fact male.

CP: I confess that I do love the word "girlina," uttered dismissively.

RN: OK, me too, especially when my friend Dana says it, like the meanest drag queen in the world. Cracks me up, every time.

CP: We mostly deserve the bad rap we sometimes get for gossiping, backbiting, archness and forming vicious little cliques. Without naming any specific workout location, let me say that a giggling pack of dedicated and tireless gay gossipmongers can make a gym membership nearly worthless.

RN: I know. Sometimes I walk through our chosen workout studio and I feel like I've somehow stepped onto the set of "Mean Girls."

RN: Funny, so do I, although they can't be taunting you 24/7, right? And I'm guilty of this, but I wish the gays would stop assuming that every good-looking, meticulously groomed, well-built man bats for our team. Nothing wrong with wishful thinking -- it brings to mind the position actor Billy Zane once stated when asked about the gays lusting after him: "Dig and be dug, baby" -- but couldn't we all agree that it's OK to let our gal pals have a few of the hotties for themselves?

CP: A parallel peeve is the whole "straight-acting" thing. Like there is any such thing. Besides exhibiting a form of self-loathing, the gay guy who promotes himself as straight-acting/straight appearing is usually fooling no one but himself. We should revel in our differentness, rather than emulating the majority.

RN: Speaking of self-loathing, here's an admission I hesitate to make out loud, but I have found myself disturbingly obsessed with "Project Runway." The one contestant I hated: Ricky. The man cried at the drop of a stitch -- seriously, should he ever get his own clothing line, he should call it Waterworks -- and he was always wearing some kind of god-awful hat. Ricky, you could be a role model for the gays everywhere. Lose the hats. And the tears.

CP: No crying? No hats? What's the use of living?