Withering Glance: Glance hates on some Minnesota-isms

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, relationships, grooming and more in a weekly dialogue.

RN: Hey, Claude, I'm going to run over to Neiman's. You wanna go with?

CP: That's not proper English, Rick. You need to ask, "Wanna come with?" This is Minnesota, after all.

RN: Right. It's been a while since I've seen "Fargo," so I can't remember if the Coen brothers added that little tidbit of Minnesota-speak into their screenplay. For me, it's right up there with another regional verbal shortcut that always chaps my hide: "Thanks much." Actually, thanks not-so much.

CP: So why don't you take and write a column about it?

RN: Oh, hey there, then, I think I will. As long as we're on the subject of Minnesota annoyances -- where to begin, right? -- here's one: I recently found myself trolling the aisles of a Whole Foods Market in the enlightened city of Madison, Wis., and can I tell you how much I appreciated adding a few bottles of pinot noir to my shopping cart? Why does Minnesota have to be one of the 16 states that doesn't permit the sale of wine in grocery stores?

CP: Not just wine, but hooch, too. It's still a surprise, though a pleasant one, to be able to go to a Jewel Osco in Chicago and pick up a bottle of Stoli along with some ... limes. So.

CP: Let's see. I used to go ballistic over smoking in clubs, but now that my protests have led directly to a statewide ban, that one's solved. (Hold the applause, please, and the death threats.)

RN: I sometimes forget how truly influential you are.

CP: Another thing. Morning-show meteorologists who try to "personalize" the weather, which by its very nature is more or less universal. But no, we have to hear things like "Look for foggy conditions on your morning commute, some rain for your afternoon, turning to snow as you ease into your evening." Sorry, but just give me the freakin' forecast, and hold the gratuitous second-person references.

RN: That's akin to when professional sports teams are coronated with the collective "we," as in, "We're going to the World Series" or "I sure wish we would finally win the Super Bowl." Last time I checked, the Twins and the Vikings were private enterprises.

CP: The chronic and widespread refusal of Minnesota drivers to use their turn indicators continues to work my last nerve. What, you don't want to give away your travel plans? Or perhaps you are armless? While we're at it, I would like to hear my car stereo, not yours. So turn it down, mouthbreather.

CP: Yeah, but have you ever gotten really close to anyone who didn't attend Burnsville High?

RN: That's Burnsville Senior High to you, mister.