Withering Glance: Getting primed for Oscars night

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.

RN: I was unaware that five of your favorite words are, "And the Oscar goes to ... "

CP: Believe me, those five are right up there with "We've filed another prize-winning Glance."

RN: Here's the answer to the question I know you're dying to ask: No, I'm not going to participate in your Academy Award predictions pool. My choosing-winners track record isn't so hot.

CP: I know you await the year when Jason Statham finally gets some Oscar love, but will you be watching the awards on Feb. 24?

RN: Probably, if only for the big James Bond production number, in honor of the franchise's 50th anniversary. Pray for a big, gaudy, Carly Simon-Sheena Easton-Rita Coolidge-Shirley Bassey mash-up. Or maybe they could get Louis Jourdan to stand center stage and say "Octopussy," over and over.

CP: With "Skyfall" in the running for some minor awards, there'll be Bond-age all 'round. Daniel Craig in Tom Ford being red-carpet-bombed by Carson Kressley? You can't put a price on that.

CP: If we are patient, Helena Bonham Carter usually shows up. And walks off with the Aquajesters Award.

RN: If Jacqueline Durran doesn't win Best Costume Design for "Anna Karenina," then there is no justice. I mean, for the furs alone.

CP: And the hats. If there were a Best Whiskers category, it should be awarded to "Lincoln." Along with at least eight other Oscars.

RN: Including Miss Sally Field in the best supporting actress category. It would make her the only performer to be a perfect three-for-three -- three wins in three nominations. Don't ask me why I know that bit of Oscar trivia, because, yes, I'm scaring me, too.

CP: The poor best actresses this year. One loses her mind, another gets hit by a tsunami while trying to have a nice family vacation, and Jenny Lawrence had to try to look prettier than Bradley Cooper. I'm just glad Hushpuppy (Quvenzhané Wallis of "Beasts of the Southern Wild") is going to be there. Can't wait to see who the 9-year-old wears.

CP: OK, now you're scaring me. I am also mildly shocked that you are not going on about "Les Miz." Not since "Chicago" in 2002, and before that "Oliver" in 1968, has a movie musical won best picture.

RN: Oy, "Oliver," the most embarrassing best picture choice ever. Well, that and "Crash." As for "Les Miz," sorry, no. The word dirge applies.

CP: The word "fabulous" applies to tonight's Golden Globe co-hosts -- Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

RN: Let's hope Oscars host Seth McFarlane is better than 2011's James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Wait, who wouldn't be?