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Withering Glance: A man and his socks

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.

June 6, 2011 at 1:44PM

CP: The sock. Such a humble garment, yet so fragrant.

RN: I understand the impluse for men to stick to the black and navy end of the color spectrum, but a splash of color can definitely put a spring into one's step.

CP: Most of my high-school trauma arose from the fact that I had to wear a white "sweat sock" to school. I honestly can't remember why. Perhaps I've blocked the bitter memory.

RN: I'm wondering, O Nerdy Chicago Suburbanite, why you didn't pull color-splashed socks over the white ones. No Paul Smith store at Old Orchard?

CP: I was in high school -- I wasn't thinking logically. Besides, who were you at Burnsville Country Day -- Rico Suave?

RN: No, my sockless-Weejuns-frat boy days were still ahead of me. How do you feel about all the models coming down summer-season runways sans socks? Just looking at them makes my feet sweat.

CP: I love that look -- a slack or jean rolled up a couple times above a well-turned ankle and a nut-brown wingtip. Of course, when I try it, I resemble Alfred E. Neuman.

RN: No, on you it looks GQ, baby. Honest.

CP: The only possible benefit of making us remove our shoes at airport security? It may force some of us to sport a better sock on travel days.

RN: And improve the work lives of the beleaguered TSA.

CP: May I say a word about that most humdrum of subjects -- the sock drawer?

RN: That's more scary than humdrum.

CP: Womenfolk, the next time you find yourself home alone, creep in his sock drawer and get rid of the widows, the socks with holes, the ones with the totally blown-out elastic, the formerly white ones, the mid-calf tube socks, those that have gone all see-through in wear spots, the ones with the smiley faces. You will know the toss-outs when you see them.

RN: Sensible advice, but you're suggesting eliminating what is probably half of the male stocking inventory in the Twin Cities metro area. Sox Appeal sales are going to go through the roof.

CP: And America will put a better foot forward.

E-mail: witheringglance@startribune.com.

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