In the dead of winter, I find nothing more comforting than burrowing into a dimly lit watering hole, drinking myself into oblivion and stumbling home once the whiskey's sufficiently numbed my sensitivity to cold.

Thankfully, I live in northeast Minneapolis, which, as everybody already knows, is the Twin Cities' mecca when it comes to strong drinks in a laid-back atmosphere, all within walking distance and a quick cab ride home. Institutions such as The Vegas Lounge, Knight Cap, 22nd Avenue Station and Grumpy's encompass everything a dive bar should be: always there when I need them, complete with heavy-handed pours from bartenders who remind me why I miss my chain-smoking grandma, God rest her black-lunged soul. Even relative newcomer Psycho Suzi's Motor Lounge has that Northeast feel down pat, with wood-paneled walls and a drink list filled with lowbrow favorites such as Trailer Park Wine.

But this season's mild weather has confused the winter boozer in me, so recently I couldn't decide where to go to get blotto. Northeast bars manage the feat of being cheerfully depressing, making them the perfect match for those zero-degree days when it doesn't matter when the sun goes down because it's too damn cold to do anything besides hunker down and drink with a few jolly strangers. Considering that the mercury's been nowhere near that temperature lately, I was definitely in the mood for a different, more uplifting scene.

With some extensive field research, I've tracked down Minneapolis' strongest drinks outside of Northeast. Even the most hard-core of boozehounds won't be disappointed with any of these monster pours, so pull up a bar stool, order a stiff one and remember that you don't need to get all bundled up to tie one on. (And don't worry, I didn't do it all in one night.)

The Red Dragon Restaurant is the gateway to getting liquored up in south Minneapolis. Its Wondrous Punch is a local favorite that tops nearly everyone's list when it comes to strong drinks, and this doozy of a cocktail is so tasty yet so obliterating that it can only get its kick from rum. Five different shots, to be exact, ranging from the tame Myers's Dark to the unforgiving Bacardi 151. The Wondrous Punch is by no means a nightcap, so make sure this bar is either your first stop or your only stop for the night.

Kitty-corner from the Dragon is Rudolph's Bar-B-Que which does not mess around with its martinis. The Blue Monday, for example, is a fishbowl of a drink, filled to the rim with Bombay Sapphire, Ketel One and Blue Curacao. Sure, the look and the smell alone remind you a little of glass cleaner, but just one of these will have you wobbling on your bar stool. After two, you might need help just getting off your bar stool.

Rookie bartenders at Azia on Nicollet learn quickly not to overserve the La Femme Nikita. Owner Thom Pham mixes up a new mystery ingredient for this specialty drink each week, revealing only that it's guaranteed to contain 11 kinds of liquor. Don't be fooled by the pretty pink color and candy sweetness (thanks to the addition of 11 fruit juices): This is definitely not your little sister's cocktail.

Luckily, the Gay '90s is situated right on Hennepin Avenue downtown, where catching a cab home is as easy as crawling to the curb. Which you might be doing, by the way, on a Monday or Tuesday, when this bar serves its famously strong rail drinks in sets of two for the price of one. The '90s party atmosphere makes it almost too easy to get carried away, but go ahead. The crowd is friendly, and just as drunk as you are.

Why do gay bars serve the strongest drinks? That's a question I like to answer with another question: Who cares? For something a little swankier than house vodka on ice and aging drag queens, head over to Jetset. This bar is filled with well-dressed beauties of both sexes on any given night, probably because the drinks are as strong and sexy as the people ordering them. Specialty cocktails such as the Silver Streak have so much mojo that by the time you hit the dance floor, you'll swear the bartenders making them are suddenly sporting horns and pitchforks.

If you're feeling adventurous, belly up to the one, the only, Stand Up Frank's. Bad breakup? Dog died? Lost your job? Same with the guy next to you, so clink glasses of whiskey sours while you commiserate over all of life's injustices. Just try not to feel too humbled in the presence of such alcohol greatness, since those little tumblers have only about a thimbleful of mixer, most of which spilled out onto the bar mat. And as for your new friend, he probably lost his job 10 years ago but still hasn't found his way home.