What to do when you don't know what to do in retirement

Last year, my husband Joel, then 65, retired from a 30+ year career as an IT consultant. Initially, he reveled in his newfound freedom. But over time, the leisurely life lost its luster and Joel seemed a little lost himself.

Now as a retirement coach, I wasn't alarmed by Joel's growing restlessness. Retirement can be surprisingly challenging and it often takes two years or more before people settle in. Still, as his wife, it was eye-opening to experience the ups and downs of this transition firsthand.

Over the course of the year, Joel thankfully ultimately found his footing. I'd like to tell you how that happened and what you might do if you're about to retire or have retired so you can figure out what to do in retirement for maximum fulfillment.

In Joel's case, he found a wonderful mix. Joel wound up enrolling in a program to become a master naturalist, volunteered to teach a course on artisanal cheese (a longtime passion of his), took courses online and began to play tennis again.

"It's a work in progress," says Joel. "On one hand, I'm pleased that I've got a good portfolio of activities in place. But I know the specifics will change over time."

Before I share the exact formula Joel used to craft his next act, let me first say that there is no surefire recipe for retirement joy.

A satisfying retirement is crafted with small steps and a sprinkling of serendipity that leads you in a new direction. Maybe you have a conversation with a friend that results in an introduction to a new course that prompts you to get involved in an exciting volunteer opportunity or part-time gig.

Fortunately, even if you don't know exactly where you're headed, there are things you can do to build forward momentum. Here are five key steps that Joel took to get unstuck, along with a few suggested resources:

1. Invest in self-reflection. Once you gain clarity about what's most important in your life, your decisions about how to spend your time get easier.

What Joel found most useful was to reflect on, and discuss, questions that helped him clarify his driving motivators and interests. Four he found especially useful:

What do you want to learn about? You now have an opportunity to learn about new topics you didn't have time for while working full-time. Once you identify your interest areas, you'll find endless books, webinars, lectures, podcasts and classes to fill your days. For Joel, who was a biology major in college, the opportunity to study the natural sciences again was at the top of his list.

When do you feel most useful and valued? Think about the times you've felt most appreciated at work and in your personal life: Who were you serving? How specifically did you add value? Time spent on this question can lead you to interesting volunteer or part-time work possibilities.

In Joel's case, taking long daily walks was a priority, an indulgence he rarely had time for before retirement, when he was a traveling consultant.

Do you want to work or volunteer in semi-retirement? And if so, in what capacity? The options for part-time retirement work have never been more varied.

But don't jump at the first "opportunity" offered, just to fill up the calendar. Last winter, at the height of his boredom, Joel considered applying to be our housing community's clubhouse manager — a thankless volunteer gig advertised in our local newsletter. Fortunately, after realizing that the job would be more pain than pleasure — and, OK, a bit of pushback from me — he opted to put his effort toward finding a better fit.

A caution: While it's important to ask yourself what kind of work or volunteering you want to do, it's equally critical not to get stuck in analysis paralysis. The key to building momentum is by taking action.

2. Sign up for a class (or several). Thanks to the pandemic, there's been an explosion in free and low-cost online learning opportunities for retirees, both in-person and virtual.

In Joel's case, after attending virtual classes through the Delaware Valley University Center for Learning in Retirement, he decided to teach a six-session class about artisanal cheese. Although he had never taught before, Joel found the experience quite rewarding and looks forward to offering the class again (student feedback was very gouda!).

3. Research volunteer opportunities. Joel and I relocated to Pennsylvania from Connecticut in 2020, so my husband was unfamiliar with the local volunteer landscape when he retired.

To locate volunteer roles connected to his interest in the natural sciences, Joel searched on Volunteermatch.org, a national databank of volunteer opportunities that can be filtered by location and areas of interest. When that didn't return any matches, he went directly to the websites of several local nonprofits.

Here again, serendipity stepped in.

It was on the volunteer page of our local wildflower preserve that Joel first learned about becoming a Pennsylvania master naturalist, a designation that combines studying about the local ecosystem with conservation work. Next year, as part of the certification process, he'll volunteer at the preserve, as well as at several other locations.

You might be surprised how much other retirees will appreciate your outreach. After hearing about the naturalist program from Joel, his friend Martin also enrolled, which made the experience more enjoyable for both men.

If you can't find someone with similar interests, search sites like Meetup.com to expand your options.

5. Go slowly. While an empty calendar and the loss of a steady paycheck can feel unnerving and unnatural, resist taking on too much, too quickly.

William Bridges, a noted authority on transitions, says that all transitions are composed of an ending, a neutral zone and a new beginning. It's in the neutral zone — the "fertile void" — that realignment takes hold and creates the foundation for a meaningful next act. Just ask Joel.