Minneapolis parking restrictions are now in effect. Here they are:
Don't. Just don't.
If you want specifics, well, print this out and tape it to your visor: You cannot park on the even side of non-snow-emergency routes. I think. Got it? Maybe not; it's full of double negatives. How about this? You can park on "the odd side of the street unless it's not a non-snow emergency route, or is not a no-parking area for all cars that are not cabs unless no signs are present permitting parking." Just repeat that over and over until you have it memorized.
Here are some more questions you might have:
"How do I know if the street is a snow-emergency route?" Park your car. Come back later. Is it gone? It's a snow-emergency route. Note that in some cases, the roads are marked with the strange, enigmatic words "Snow Emergency Route," with a picture of a plow. Research is ongoing as to what this really means.
"What about St. Paul?" Parking is banned on north-south and east-west routes. It is permitted on south-north and west-east routes.
"I live on a suburban cul-de-sac. There's no odd side of the street. What do I do?" Tie the steering wheel to the inside door handle, put a brick on the gas pedal, and let the car make slow, constant circles in the cul-de-sac until April.
"If all the snow melts, and the reason for the rules -- narrow streets choked with heaped precipitation -- goes running down the drains, I can park wherever even if they haven't relaxed the rules, yet, right?" No. You must wait for the signal that the rules are no longer in effect. It will come in the form of a loud wailing siren played citywide at noon on the first Wednesday of the month; once you hear that, park anywhere!
