West St. Paul writer Cynthia Orange has tackled some serious topics: addiction, recovery, post-traumatic stress disorder. Her latest book on caregiving is no less serious.
But "Take Good Care" (Hazelden Publishing, $15.95) is a refreshingly upbeat take on "Finding Your Joy in Compassionate Caregiving," as the subtitle reads. Part how-to, part self-help, this resource-rich book offers frank and accessible advice to the 44 million Americans who are caring for family members. We talked to Orange about the rewards and pitfalls of caring for others and why we should avoid asking "What can I do?"
Q: Who's your book for?
A: This isn't only for people who are in serious caring situations. It's for all sorts of caregivers, from those of us who do favors for others to those of us who are on the front lines, caring for someone with dementia or another serious disease.
Q: You make a distinction between caregiving and caretaking. Why?
A: Caretaking is when your life is frequently out of balance, when you are giving too much too often to too many, when you deplete yourself. Caregiving is about giving compassionate care to yourself while you are caring for someone else. Caregiving is a give-and-take relationship that benefits both you and the recipient. It's not about deciding what someone else needs and delivering it. It's working with that person to find out what he or she wants and determining what you — and others — can provide.
Q: It seems like many of us end up caretaking. How can we change that?
A: It can be as simple as pausing to ask "Is my life in balance?" "Do I need to do this?" "Am I taking care of myself so I can give to others?" You need to take the time to develop boundaries, determine what you can and can't do and learn when to find assistance. There are lots of resources and a rich community of support out there.
