They've got your number

A recent story in this fine paper noted that southern Minnesota will get a new area code, bringing the state's total to eight. At present, they use 507, created in 1954 by carving off chunks of 612 and 218. That's the story, and I have nothing to add to it.

What caught my eye was this line: "A regulatory filing [was made] by the North American Numbering Plan Administrator."

This is an entity of which I was previously unaware. Can you call up the North American Numbering Plan Administration, or NANPA, with any numbering questions? I imagine they answer the phone like this:

"Hello, NANPA, thank you for calling. If you'd like to know why hot dogs come in packs of 10 and buns in packs of eight, please hang up and contact the American Frank and Bun Reconciliation Association. If you have a complaint about a street number out of order somewhere, press 2 to be connected with our Cartographic Malfeasance Department. If you have a suggestion for a new area code, please be advised we cannot accept outside entries for legal reasons. Any other questions, please stay on the line."

(Nine minutes pass; hold music is the "Final Jeopardy" theme.)

"Hello, NANPA, how may I assist you?"

"I'm calling about the numbering plan on the sausage I buy. Before inflation hit, the bags had 16 patties, each of which had the circumference of an English Muffin. Now they are smaller, and the bag says 'About 16 patties.' I guess I'm calling to see if this numbering plan is legal."

(More hold music) "Hi, this is Frank Dijjits, I'm away from my desk at the moment. If you'll leave a detailed message about the type of meat and the quantity of deviation from the expected numbering plan, I'll get back to you."

They probably don't handle that. But surely they cover more than area codes, right? Otherwise you have someone who spends the entire day arranging pencils in neat rows and looking out the window, waiting for the sudden wail of the siren that announces a new area code situation. Red lights flash, junior administrators slide down fire poles, everything snaps into action.

"All right, people, this is what we've trained for. An increase in population in a heretofore moribund area has spiked demand for new phone numbers, and that means a new area code. I want ideas, and I want them now."

"How about 666?"

(General chuckles.)

"305?"

"Too much like a freeway that's backing up near the bridge. Come now, people, this is our moment."

"507?"

"Who said that? You, the intern? Very good. Very, very good. It has a certain authority, but also the soft consonants make it approachable, like a good burgundy. I say, you're going to go far. More like that, and you'll be head of NANPA someday."

"I'm actually a Rotary exchange student from Brazil."