The Lynx ad you won't see; 'The Hot Hoagie' you will see

Seimone Augustus won't be quite like Mike in future ads for the Minnesota Lynx.

In an ad comparing the Lynx guard to Michael Jordan, AB Group One partner and chief creative director Chris Birt wrote copy stating that, athletically speaking, "She was kind of like Michael Jordan with a little surgery."

What surgery would that beeeee? "You know, kind of like a makeover," Birt said. "Kind of an extreme makeover."

That TV spot showed Augustus looking fierce, from the ankles up, as the words "Think Jordan ... Post Op" pop onto the screen.

You might have seen it on TV once or twice, but you won't see it again. The Lynx were not comfortable with the commercial, Birt said. (But I'll bet Jordan's ex-wife would have gotten a chuckle out of the concept.)

Birt replaced the "Post Op" ad with one that refers to Augustus as "Air Heir." Now he's being told that the new line should read "Air Heiress."

Absolutely not! We need to avoid words designed to marginalize the work of women: actress, hostess, waitress, stewardess.

Oh, Christopher, that's way too scary, his mom said after seeing a print ad showing Augustus' face as half her own and half Lynx, a current marketing trend.

A Minnesota winner "The Hot Hoagie" has a role on ABC's "The Bachelorette."

Ryan Hoag, an academic All-America and star receiver at Gustavus, is one of the 25 bachelors DeAnna Pappas will put through the paces starting Monday in the next season of the reality show. As a professional football player -- he was formerly on the Vikings practice squad -- Hoag is prepared for the paces.

He's back in Minneapolis modeling, creating a stir at the school where he's substitute teaching and hoping some NFL team picks him up for training camp. Factoid: "The Hot Hoagie," as Hoag was dubbed at the 2006 Starkey Hearing Foundation gala, was a teammate of Giants QB Jesse Palmer during his stint as "The Bachelor."

Moore Creative Talent's prez Andrea Hjelm tells me that Pappas could not do better than Hoag: "He is, first of all, a great person, so considerate of other people, and really giving and unselfish in so many ways. I don't see that much in talent because a lot of them are very self-centered. He is such a joyful person; he is just great."

I don't know this DeAnna, but too many of the women on this show are extremely silly and not savvy enough to select a guy as decent as Hoag. "If [she's] smart, she would pick him," Hjelm said. "He would be a wonderful individual to spend your life with. He has a soul. He's cute. He's muscular."

In OK! magazine, Chris Harrison, host of the show, named Hoag one of five bachelors to watch. Crave in Edina's Galleria will be the site of "The Hot Hoagie" viewing party on Monday night for the first episode. You're invited.

Vintage Ventura I was telling colleagues that if Jesse Ventura had matured since our paths last crossed, my presence at his Mall of American book signing Thursday would be uneventful. If not, this might be a video-at-10 situation.

As expected, Ventura was taking questions from the public but not from any of the Minnesota Media Jackals. Of course, that never stops us. KARE 11's Scott Goldberg got halfway through a question about whether Ventura was going to run for the Senate. I got part way through a question about whether Ventura had written the book himself or with the help of a ghostwriter.

As you'll see from the video, the love flowed from Ventura to me. It was just like old times, although, as usual, I didn't know what he was talking about when he said I agreed never to mention his name again. And former Star Tribune Managing Editor Pam Fine, at the paper during the Ventura years, said Friday that no such promise was ever made.

Before Ventura was Guv, according to Halvorson, they worked out at the same gym. That was when Ventura "told me to shave it off," Halvorson said. "I told him what hair I have, I like to keep."