MANKATO – Mike Zimmer held his first welcome-to-my-training-camp meeting as the Vikings head coach on Thursday night.
His message? "Why I think this team can win,'' Zimmer said.
So: Why? "I'll keep that between us," he said, meaning himself and his team.
This is what Zimmer could have said, if he were guaranteed his comments would be kept secret:
"Guys, we're going to win more because there's no way we can make as many bad decisions this year as this organization did last year unless someone drops hallucinogens in the Winter Park water supply. I mean, we can throw three Love Boat parties and threaten to nuke another demographic, and we'll still do better than that."
Coming off a season in which they made the playoffs, the Vikings won five games last year. Five. There are NFL teams that have to grunt and strain to make it to five victories. There are NFL teams that deserve to finish with five victories. To win only five games, the 2013 Vikings had to repeatedly perform the lowest form of slapstick comedy, tripping over cracks in the sidewalk, walking through panes of glass, stepping on the wrong ends of rakes and spraying themselves in the face with mace.
The only way the 2013 Vikings could limit themselves to five wins was to utterly fail at three of the most pivotal positions in an NFL organization: quarterback, offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator.
Given a full offseason to solidify his position as a winning NFL QB, Christian Ponder demonstrated in the Week 1 loss at Detroit that he couldn't handle the job. Ponder's failure led to the team yo-yoing Matt Cassel in and out of the lineup, even giving Josh Freeman a one-game tryout in which he seemed to be throwing alley-oops to Manute Bol.