You get the feeling that Aspen courts are mighty darn careful when it comes to handling members of the Star-American Community?

What snag? It sounded as if they had a nice tight deal - Sheen would have pled guilty to "misdemeanor assault," which sounds as tough as "glaring with intent," and he would have spent 30 nights in jail and 30 days coaching actors at a local theater. The jail time would be whittled down to 17 days, and the "coaching" part be redefined to "looking at the performance while having lunch and waving a sandwich in the actor's general direction to indicate approval." But if the prosecutor says they couldn't reach an agreement, this must mean that Sheen's side balked at something. What? The make of the limo that takes him from jail to theater? The kind of lightbulb in his dressing room? (CFLs are okay, but they'd better be GE's "Reveal" brand, or there's going to be a chair thrown through the window). Nope:

So we'll never know. This may be the greatest mystery of our era. No one seems to know what happened. It's as if their minds were fogged somehow, and they wandered out of the courtyard seeing stars and sparks. Something happened in there to keep us from reaching a deal. But what?