I'm Batman

I'm Batman

You get the feeling that Aspen courts are mighty darn careful when it comes to handling members of the Star-American Community?

A deal that would have wrapped up Charlie Sheen's assault case against his wife in time to resume production on his top-rated television comedy hit a snag on Monday and the case was postponed until July.

But the chief prosecutor told Judge James Boyd on Monday that the two sides had been unable to reach an agreement. Boyd rescheduled the hearing until July 12.

Prosecutor Arnold Mordkin declined to give details. "It hit a snag," he told reporters afterward. "I am not going to talk about it."

What snag? It sounded as if they had a nice tight deal - Sheen would have pled guilty to “misdemeanor assault,” which sounds as tough as “glaring with intent,” and he would have spent 30 nights in jail and 30 days coaching actors at a local theater. The jail time would be whittled down to 17 days, and the "coaching" part be redefined to "looking at the performance while having lunch and waving a sandwich in the actor's general direction to indicate approval." But if the prosecutor says they couldn’t reach an agreement, this must mean that Sheen’s side balked at something. What? The make of the limo that takes him from jail to theater? The kind of lightbulb in his dressing room? (CFLs are okay, but they’d better be GE’s “Reveal” brand, or there’s going to be a chair thrown through the window). Nope:

Sheen's attorney Yale Galanter said the actor was disappointed at the failure to resolve the case. "All parties in good faith put this deal together, but minor glitches developed," Galanter told reporters.

Galanter said the "glitches" were not related to Sheen's work release arrangement at the Aspen theater.

So we’ll never know. This may be the greatest mystery of our era. No one seems to know what happened. It’s as if their minds were fogged somehow, and they wandered out of the courtyard seeing stars and sparks. Something happened in there to keep us from reaching a deal. But what?

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