'Rumors' hasn't got it

This lesser Neil Simon play is irredeemable, which is aptly illustrated in Urban Samurai's production.

September 12, 2011 at 2:24PM
Paul Somers' character Lenny unspools a shaggy dog story as Glenn (Peter Simmons) and Cassie (Katie Starks) listen in "Rumors."
Paul Somers’ character Lenny unspools a shaggy dog story as Glenn (Peter Simmons) and Cassie (Katie Starks) listen in “Rumors.” (Provided photo/The Minnesota Star Tribune)

In the mid-1980s, playwright Neil Simon was waxing wistfully with "Brighton Beach," "Biloxi Blues" and "Broadway Bound" -- soulful, autobiographical works that took the measure of a serious man. He would return to this earnest vein in 1991 with the Pulitzer Prize-winning "Lost in Yonkers," considered his masterpiece.

Tucked in between those estimable efforts was "Rumors," a 1988 farce that set aside depth and meaning. "Rumors" was a return to simple Simon, the familiar and bankable laugh maker.

However, as Urban Samurai Production's staging of "Rumors" painfully illustrates, even the masters miss their mark on occasion. Simon built this play on the cheap, rejecting the methodical architecture of farce and substituting one-liners, red herrings and hackneyed gags.

Farce requires our constant belief that real people are caught in real situations which -- though absolutely ridiculous -- have real consequences. Simon has us disbelieving from the start, and director Matthew Greseth's ham-and-egg production at the Sabes JCC theater does nothing to plug the holes.

Chris (Marcia Svaleson) and Ken (Ryan Grimes) are at a party to celebrate the 10th anniversary of Charlie and Myra. Myra is not at home, neither is the domestic staff and Charlie is in an upstairs bedroom (offstage) with a bullet wound to his ear lobe.

Chris and Ken then scramble between slamming doors and ringing telephones to dissemble these facts when Claire (Danielle Siver) and Lenny (Paul Somers) arrive. But seriously, why would you hide this situation from other close friends? What's at stake?

Simon must have asked himself the same question, because soon Chris and Ken let Claire and Lenny in on the entire story.

This implausible conceit is rinsed and repeated when Ernie (Nate Hessburg) and Cookie (Courtney Miner) show up and again for latecomers Glenn (Peter Simmons) and Cassie (Katie Starks).

The "Rumors" hinted at in the title go nowhere. There are whispers about Charlie and Myra's alleged infidelities, but then that thread gets dropped. Strange phone calls and provocative clues rise and fall with no purpose. In fact, Simon's dialogue seems to exist only to occupy space and time rather than contribute to a story we might care about -- even if that story is absurd.

Greseth's staging is functional. The play does not allow much more, but a director needs to recognize he's working with thin gruel and push his actors to extremes. That does not happen.

Simmons and Miner have the best grasp of character; Somers' Lenny has the play's one moment that to be charitable might be considered inspired. He's OK.

Otherwise, we are left with a mediocre production of a mediocre play. And that makes for a mediocre evening.

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GRAYDON ROYCE, Star Tribune

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