London Has Fallen
½ out of four stars
Rated: R for strong violence and language throughout.
Pursuing next year's Razzies worst film award at a mad gallop, Gerard Butler gives us his second torturously bad film in a week. Popular opinion has declared the intolerable "Gods of Egypt" DOA. "London Has Fallen" will trigger a dissenting opinion. It is far worse.
Butler plays a Secret Service bodyguard, a tough-as-testosterone he-man whom President Aaron Eckhart can barely resist clasping in a long bro hug. When the death of Britain's prime minister draws Air Force One to the state funeral, Middle Eastern assassination squads rapidly take out a vast list of world leaders.
Earlier in the film, a drone strike in Pakistan blew up the marriage of an arms dealer's daughter. Because "vengeance must always be profound and absolute," he has filled the English capital with an army of terrorists to get revenge on the world's leaders. Cue a long montage of cars falling from exploded bridges, killers in impossibly effective disguises and exploding landmarks.
Butler strikes back with the kind of two-fisted ferocity that a chest-pounding mountain gorilla would envy. Eckhart's president is identical to most adventure films' damsel in distress; there's even a gag about him coming out of the closet when he hides in there from the big, bad villains. Aiming to trigger a spontaneous chant of "USA! USA!" after every bloodbath, this is a xenophobic pile of dead body parts in search of a movie.
I don't know the best way to deal with America's enemies, but I suspect a jingoistic macho-porn slaughterfest is not likely to win hearts and minds. Morgan Freeman makes an appearance as the vice president, looking extremely troubled. I think he was realizing what sort of a movie he had signed on to.
COLIN COVERT
The Wave
⋆⋆ out of four stars
Rated: R for some language and disaster elements.
Theater: Uptown.
Nestled in western Norway's Sunnmøre region, the Geirangerfjord is so scenically spectacular it's a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It's a magnetic tourist draw with towering waterfalls and sky-high mountains, where shifting tectonic plates continually threaten to crumble into the water, throwing a Godzilla-sized tsunami over residents and visitors alike. The great vistas get wasted in this underwhelming Nordic disaster movie, which I would give 1.5 on the Richter scale.
Kristian is a geologist finishing up his last day at the local warning center. You know what happens next: As fast as you can say unstable substrata, a collapsing mountain sends a giant wall of water toward town, and his family, with just 10 minutes to escape.
Borrowing heavily from "Titanic" and lesser catastrophe films, character development plummets and dialogue is reduced to the usual run of "Save my babies!" and "No, save me first!" debates. His wife swims like a Navy SEAL and plays a part in the movie's biggest conflict as she deals with a quarrelsome, cowardly Danish tourist. What becomes of him will surely move Norwegians and Swedes to applause, cheers and whistles.