Pick over the peas, discarding stones or debris, rinse, place in a large bowl and cover with cold water. Soak for 1 to 2 hours; it's not necessary to soak black-eyed peas overnight.
Meanwhile, heat the oil in a 4 or 5-quart pot. Stir in the onion, garlic, thyme, bay leaf, chile peppers or hot pepper flakes, nutmeg or allspice and black pepper. Sauté, stirring over medium heat for about 5 minutes, or until the onions are tender.
Stir in the water. Add the turkey wing or ham bone. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce the heat to simmer and cook for about 45 minutes. Using a large fork, break off the turkey or ham meat from the bones into strips.
Drain and rinse the soaked black-eyed peas and add to the pot. Bring to a boil and the reduce the heat to simmer. Stir in the rum, if using.
Cover and cook the soup for about 1 hour, or until the peas are tender and the soup is creamy, stirring occasionally. When done, stir in the salt, if desired, and heat 15 minutes longer.