Dear Mr. President:
I would like to be named secretary of Veterans Affairs. What are my qualifications for the job? I am a veteran who has probably used every benefit offered by the VA except the burial benefit, and I would like to delay that one for a while. It wouldn't be hard to vet me because I'm a vet. (That's a joke, sir.)
I was just an enlisted man, a private first class, who was trained in complaining about military procedures and waiting. I am sure that skill would carry over to the VA. In the Army, I also dug a lot of latrines, so I have a pile of experience dealing with any crap that may be involved with cleaning up the VA system.
I have voiced my concerns about the VA for more than 30 years, but no one has gotten back to me yet.
I can screw things up just as well as any high-paid executive or government official you may consider for the position.
Don't thank me for my service. It was a pleasure serving so you didn't have to go and die. I hope you got those bone spurs fixed or bought a good pair of orthotics.
I await your call, Mr. President.
Tim Connelly, Richfield
PATRICK HENRY HIGH
Here we go again with this business of stripping legacies
This country and culture has lost its ever-loving mind. Patrick Henry High School in Minneapolis may be renamed because its current namesake, a Virginia politician and Revolutionary War-era leader famous for saying "Give me liberty or give me death," once owned slaves (local section, April 27).