The beauty and profundity of David Brooks' reflection, "A message to those in deep despair" (Opinion Exchange, Dec. 11), brought me to tears. As a retired health care chaplain (who's still fully engaged in life), I thought of the countless patients who, as I was leaving their room, would comment, "Chaplain, thank you for listening."
During this hectic and troubled holiday season, I invite us all to put down our electronic devices and really listen — listen to others, to nature and to the stillness in our hearts beckoning us to hope, kindness and compassion.
Jerry C. Vandrovec, Plymouth
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Today, I decided to speak as a therapist as well as a person grieving. I hear so many sad stories around the holidays. A lot of them are sadder because of the unmet expectations, the social media pictures of happy families, the Christmas cards showing everyone posing together, the assumption that we're happy — and together. I'm asking for us to consider how many holidays have been perfect or even close to it. How many have been OK, so-so or merely not that good? And how many have been "I couldn't wait to leave" bad?
The holidays are an event where a sense of perspective is infrequently used, which adds to the intensity of feelings producing good and bad outcomes. All the planning and preparation make the event more potentially stressful — if you've done all this work to make it special, it better be good!
Everyone should, I suppose, be expected to behave well; kind, considerate, cheerful. Even if we haven't seen each other since the last holiday when cousin George got into an argument with cousin Susan over politics, and they both sulked the rest of the time. In fact, let's consider how putting a bunch of people who only see each other a couple times a year in a house for, say, eight hours could possibly go wrong.
Here's my therapeutic solution: Lower your expectations. And find one action you can do to make yourself feel good. Like talking to cousin George, who is a funny guy you never get to talk to. Maybe think about one holiday regret from last year. This year, you'll give your mom a hug. Or say a toast to your mom in heaven. Or to all those who are gone.