I saw the Donald Trump and Billy Bush video late in the evening on Friday, overcome by an all-too-familiar disgust and frustration. Disgusted by comments that are demeaning and coarse, though it comes as no shock to hear them from Trump's mouth. Frustrated that there are men and, unbelievably, women who still defend him. In these charged moments, I feel the ease of judging these supporters whom I do not know.
I do know two supporters, however, and I feel pause in judging them. Both are older men in my life — one a relative, one a former teacher — who have watched me grow from a little girl into a woman, supporting me in all of my major events, as recently as my wedding over the summer. Passing judgment on them feels unloving and disloyal. I have enjoyed and felt much gratitude for their consistent investment in me over the years. But from a more objective place, I sense the fruitlessness of judging them. Won't it simply divide us and solve nothing? Isn't their support of this man just one dimension of multidimensioned personalities and lives?
My intellect says yes to these questions, and yet their support of Donald Trump still incites a visceral response in me. Stunned by the recording released on Friday, I immediately wondered: Is this enough to change their minds?
In my attempts to reconcile intellect and feeling over the weekend, I realized it's less that I judge these men and more that their support of Trump feels like a judgment on me. Do they not think more highly of me, or their sisters or mothers or friends, to not be outraged by a would-be leader so gratuitously derogatory of us? Mocking our menstrual cycles, limiting our worth to appearances, viewing us as objects to be used, assaulting us sexually and verbally — every woman in Trump's line of fire is somebody's sister, niece, mother, wife, daughter. How can any man in our lives simultaneously stand with us and advocate for the power of a man who thus behaves?
I am a sister. I am a niece. I am a wife.
I am Hugh's daughter. I know that means something to these two men in my life. Will they be moved by my value, individuality, competence, respectability? I wonder, is Hugh's daughter enough to change their minds about Donald Trump and his brutish brand of misogyny?
Lindsay McGlynn, Minneapolis
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I roomed exclusively with girls in my 20s, and my status as a trusted male friend exposed me to a lot of girl talk and antics. These included playing sexually humiliating pranks on male acquaintances and spreading the story to further embarrass them, mocking black girls' gestures and mannerisms, gossiping about past boyfriends' sexual anatomy and performance, accusing women with dietary handicaps of anorexia, and ranking every male acquaintance by status with the casual detachment that a womanizer might bring to comments about cup size. These were normal girls who were not crass in public. I plead for both genders to respect each other.