Parent-teacher conferences can be tricky: Here's how to handle them.

Should I bring an apple? Does bringing a treat change relationships with teachers?

The quintessential apple for the teacher! Actually, some of my favorite gifts from students have been handmade (painted rocks and other crafts) and pictures I can hang in our classroom. Bringing treats doesn't in any way change the relationship I have with my students and parents. It's a thoughtful gesture, but not necessary.

What's the point of parent-teacher conferences anyway?

I see them as a great way to make connections. I view each year in school as a partnership between parents or caregivers, students and myself. I use conferences as a time to share what I see at school and talk with families about their child. I like to open by sharing strengths for each child. I have students fill out a survey telling about their strengths, favorite parts of the school day, any challenges they want me to help with, and goals they have for themselves. If students come to the conference, they share this part with their family. I talk about what their child knows and where I will take them next academically.

How is it a partnership with parents?

At the end of the conference, I share with each family the goals I have for their child, and I always ask parents to share goals that they have as well. While I am knowledgeable about my craft, by fall conference time I've only known each student for about 30 school days—families are truly the experts on their children and I want to make sure I listen for ways I can best meet their needs.

I know my kid can be a handful. What should I expect to hear?

My child has special needs and I really need the teacher to hear me. Should I bring something in writing?

Advocacy for your child is incredibly important. They may have an individualized education plan (IEP) in place. Your child's teacher should have a copy of this, but it doesn't hurt to review it with with new staff each year. I contact families early in the school year and talk with the special education teachers in my building about accommodations that will best meet the needs for each child. Older students can and should be a part of the discussion when appropriate—it is a great way for them to share what they need and learn advocacy skills for themselves too.

How else can I advocate for my child effectively?

There is no better way than through regular communication. I once had a parent apologize for asking so many questions and I told them not to be sorry for advocating for their student's needs! In situations where you feel you're not being heard, try scheduling a time to meet in person with the teacher. At times, digital communication can come with implied tones and misunderstandings. Talking in person is the best way to ensure that the staff are hearing what you are intending to say.

What if I disagree with the teacher's assessment of my child?

What if my child and her teacher are oil/water, or the teacher and I are? How do we work through differences to have a successful year?

It can't be overstated that communication is key. If that situation happens, approaching the teacher in a nonconfrontational way, and sharing what has happened from your child's perspective might help in clearing up misunderstandings or in helping a teacher understand a situation better. Good relationships further classroom learning, and communication is important.

My kid talks nonstop at home and clams up at school. Do teachers see radically different behavior between home and school?

I often have parents that are surprised that their child is so well behaved at school. Students work really hard navigating new learning and engaging in all sorts of social interactions all day long. At times that means by the time they get home they either feel exhausted or cooped up! Everyone needs a place they feel safe and can let loose. Often times this happens when kids get home from school. However, if you are worried that your child is shutting down at school or have concerns about anxiety, please talk to your child's teacher.

Is it OK for parents to "friend" their child's teacher on social media?

My child complains about being bored. How do I gently address that?

I'm actually a parent that has navigated this question! Every child deserves to feel that they are learning new things every day. If your child is older, they may be able to advocate for themselves, otherwise it doesn't hurt to ask the teacher.

My child loves his teacher and wants me to arrange a playdate with her! Is it weird to ask her about this?

What a gift to have a teacher that your child enjoys so much! I have had a couple of requests, but I kindly decline. I am always flattered for the invitation, but use my time outside of school to be present with my family.

Back to the apple: Is there some way parents can show teachers their appreciation? Are conferences the place for that?