Our new rainbow bridge raises all kinds of possibilities

Rainbow hues and empurpled piers: The 35W bridge was specially lit for the Pride Festival this weekend. Whether you approve or disapprove or file it in the bin of Things I'll Get Around to Caring About After I Form an Opinion on Coke Zero vs. Pepsi Max, you're probably surprised the bridge is rainbow-capable. Now that the secret's out, you can expect petitions from other groups who will want red for Christmas, green for National Spoiled Lunchmeat Day and a ghastly plaid for Kilt Awareness Month. Or we could just keep it rainbow-hued all year long.

The "Rainbow Bridge" has different meanings, you know. In Norse mythology, it connects earth with the world of the gods. Heimdallr, a god who carried an enormous, loud horn, guarded the bridge, keeping an eye peeled for the end of the world. He was also known for drinking "fine mead," which means that heaven was more or less guarded by a drunk with a trumpet.

The Rainbow Bridge is also a place where pets go after they die, according to a sappy poem that belongs on a Hallmark card. Across the bridge all the pets romp around in the afterlife, waiting to drench you in joyous slobber when you arrive, even though it means you're dead. Even childhood dogs that didn't work out? Apparently. That's going to be awkward. Uh -- so how was the farm? You'd think a dog would back away from you in ghost form, since you have no scent. Really, it's just a ridiculous piece of writing. And I can't read it without bawling.

So it could be all things to all people. The only question is which side of the bridge is heaven and which side is earth. Not that we need signs that say NOW LEAVING HEAVEN -- BUCKLE UP AND LIVE. Your call. But if it's all-rainbow, all the time, then every meaning you want's right there, in the color of your choice. Unless you want it puce and teal for National '80s Office Furniture Remembrance Week. Sorry. There's heaven, and then there's hell.