Obvious, overstated facts about food

Gorgeous day for a Fair, no? Ah well. Hope you got out of the office for lunch; it's a perfect summer day. Or at least we'd think so, if Labor Day came later. See why I want Labor Day to come in the middle of this month? C'mon, this is the second day I've mentioned this, and no one's proposed a law yet. Makes one doubt the power of the internet.

AIIIIEEEEe I still think you could get sued for these commercials.

2 SIGNS YOU'RE READING A LISTICLE BuzzFeed had a story yesterday titled "23 Insane Things You Should Probably Know About Snack Foods." Doritos were found to be incapable of distinguishing right from wrong, and thus absolved of responsibility? Because that's "insane" as the term is commonly understood. Well, let's look: turns out that grocery stores have designed their layout in order to make you buy things. SERIOUSLY. It's like they're using Jedi mind-tricks to make you buy soda; it's right there when you walk in. One year they put huge bottles of vinegar in the same spot, just for fun, and people bought it and drank it. We're powerless!

Yes. Yes, I imagine they do. Just as websites want us to visit their site again and again.

Not literally addictive. "Wanting more of something you find delicious" is not an addiction. No one gets the shakes and cold sweats if they don't get a Triscuit in time before they come down.

Amusing they should mention that; I bought a 12-pack a few weeks ago, in the Diet variety. I bought it because I had a vague memory that I didn't mind it, and daughter liked it, and it was on sale.. Hadn't bought any for a year, perhaps. That's a rather imperfect form of perfectly addicting. You never hear anyone say "I didn't buy cigarettes this week because they weren't half-off."

Why?

And then there's a lot about sugar, which can be avoided. Want to know how? Read the label. Eat less. There.

Next up, fat:

So the next version of "Breaking Bad" will have a guy making Fritos in his garage. Also:

Here's the thing: I have two bowls of ice cream a week. Friday and Saturday night. I probably have ten potato chips every other day. About the only sugar I get comes from Raisin Bran in the morning. I look forward to my nightly bowl of greens more than anything, because I add some cheese and pepper. I have one can of diet soda after lunch. I could have more of all of these things, but choose not to. Don't know much about cocaine addiction, but the phrase "nah, I'm good" probably doesn't come up much in the course of a binge.

And if you're as intellectually lazy as the author of the post, it'll be easy. By "lazy" I mean Buzzfeed-strength lazy: stringing together words extracted from more substantial posts and putting a number and the word INSANE in the title. As well as "you." But this is a site that also has 18 undeniable ways to know you're becoming a grown up," and you're pretty sure the author is able to drink, marry, own property, and become a member of the Armed Forces, but is part of the demographic that believes "becoming" a "grown-up" isn't about assuming new interests and responsibilities, but outgrowing juvenile concerns.

Thirtysomething. Sign #15: "Your experience shopping at Urban Outfitters has totally changed. You used to come here, like, once a week."