O'Rourke, on the stump

P.J. O'Rourke might think of political reporting as being "a student of stupidity," yet he can't help but revel in it -- especially at a time like this. Although he calls Hillary Clinton "America's ex-wife" and says Barack Obama gets "the cute-nice vote," he doesn't save all his barbs for the Democrats. The slogan for John McCain's stance on Iraq, he says, should be "strong and wrong."

O'Rourke, 61, the Beltway-based satirist behind "Parliament of Whores" and "Give War a Chance," will speak at the University of Minnesota Tuesday. Before heading to the White House Correspondents Association Dinner this past Saturday, he took a few minutes on the phone to sound off.

Q Will you be coming to the Republican convention in St. Paul?

A Wild horses wouldn't drag me. Conventions have become unbelievably boring. The last honest floor fight was in 1952 with Adlai Stevenson. And it's a wholesome bunch of conventioneers these days; they don't drink like they used to. The wild, red-hot crowds that used to be in the corporate hospitality suites are now more into soda water and schmoozing.

Q How was William F. Buckley's funeral?

A It was a high holy mass at St. Patrick's, the full smells and bells, with an extraordinary selection of music picked out by his son, Chris. Henry Kissinger gave the eulogy. Of course, he mumbles.

Q Where, in your opinion, do McCain, Clinton and Obama stand right now?

A John's doing fine. He's not over-promising on the economy, is frank about the war and has drifted as far to the right as he can in good conscience. But the stars are so aligned it's exceedingly difficult. Only a massive screw-up by the Democrats ... but everything in this presidential cycle has been a surprise.

Obama's playing the hope card. He sounds like a walk through Haight-Ashbury, so unsubstantive, so when something substantive does pop out of his mouth it's noticed. The guy's a blank slate, which works to his advantage. Hillary is what they call in business "fully discounted" -- people have made up their minds about her, all the bad things are already taken into account.

Obama made a mistake by not distracting more from Rev. [Jeremiah] Wright. Wright has a case of the [Ann] "Coulters." He doesn't say anything that a lot of black folks don't say at 2 in the morning. Coulter's the same, on the white folks' side, and she says it stone cold sober at 3 in the afternoon.

Q What's your most trusted source of political news?

A Oddly enough, the New York Times, because they deliver more information. I know exactly in which direction the bias will go and I allow them windage.

Q What do you think of "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report"?

A It's fun. Bill Maher is the prototype. He invented the idea that you could have a good laugh and content at the same time. People worry about kids only getting their info from these shows. I say, as opposed to what? Before, when they got none whatsoever?

Q What's the most prominent aspect of Bush's legacy?

A His inability or unwillingness to explain himself. He simply doesn't. He has an arrogant attitude toward the American public. He doesn't feel his policies or behavior need explanation. People are far more willing to forgive someone they feel is forthright. Clinton would've gotten in a lot less trouble if they didn't feel he lied.

Q Your next book is titled "The Drinking Man's Guide to Bad Parenting." How about a sneak-preview bad-parenting tip?

A All I'll say right now is that you can't understand the truly bestial nature of man till you have three small children. [His are 4, 8 and 10.]

Q What is this election's crucial issue?

A The economy. Part of the problem with all the candidates is that American voters are a lot smarter about the economy than they used to be. Everybody understands now that their own economic well-being is tied to the general well-being. They know that they're not poor because Bill Gates is rich. The candidates have to give pitches that are more nuanced and less rousing.

Q Where do you stand on immigration?

A I'm all for it. I'm not a Cherokee. My family came from Ireland during the potato famine. They came across Canada by wagon train to Michigan and I don't think they even knew what country they were in. We have to come up with a system. A friend of mine from Texas has been finding dead people on his ranch. This has got to stop. I'm all for reasonably decent people who want to work coming here.

Q Why do you say that the comedians at the White House Correspondents Dinner always fall flat?

A It's not about funny in Washington. It's about power.

Kristin Tillotson • 612-673-7046