We have a champion, Nuclear Warheads!
In one of the least dramatic finishes in recent memory, Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea go wire-to-wire and were crowned champions with three matches to spare.
Great if you're a Chelsea fan! (Trust me, it is great). Not so great if you are a fan of a team that had title aspirations or just wanted a close finish.
But there is still some sorting out to do with the rest of the table. Liverpool could still catch Manchester United for the fourth and final Champions League spot. Plus, no team has been mathematically relegated yet.
So lets enjoy the last three weeks of the season. We are gonna miss it when it's gone.
No. 1: Newcastle vs West Brom at St James Park
When: Saturday at 9:00AM on NBC Sports Network
Last year: Newcastle took all three points in this fixture last season with a 2-1 scoreline.
No. No…don't do this Newcastle. No. Your fans have been through enough! GOD NO! THEY HAVE FAMILIES!!!! THINK ABOUT DYLAN THE ROCKET SCIENTIST!
So all season long Newcastle appeared to be cruising towards a very Newcastle-ish finish in the middle of the table. But now they have lost eight — EIGHT — matches in a row and are flirting with being relegated for the second time in seven years.
These guys look like a bunch of misfits running around out there and I wouldn't wager anything on them at this point, not even at home.
At 35 points, they are currently two points ahead of Sunderland for the final spot in the drop zone. The good news for them, however, is Leicester City and Hull City are sandwiched between them at 34 points.
The odds are still long that Newcastle will be sent down but the fact they are even in this spot is embarrassing. A lot of things have to go wrong for them to go down but it honestly wouldn't shock me if they ended the season on an 11-match losing streak. We'll see if 35 points is enough to keep them safe or ship 'em down.
No. 2: Crystal Palace vs Manchester United at Selhurst Park
When: Saturday at 11:30AM on NBC Sports Network
Last year: United won a year ago thanks to second-half goals from Robin van Persie (a penalty, derp) and Wayne Rooney.
Liverpool will be watching this one hoping and praying Crystal Palace can snag some points from United to keep their top four dreams alive.
With Liverpool heading to league champion Chelsea on Sunday, a win will put United eight points clear of Liverpool and basically slam the door on Liverpool. Liverpool will need to win their final three matches (starting with Sunday at Chelsea) and have United lose their final two to have a shot at gaining a spot in next year's Champions League.
Crystal Palace sit in 12th place and are firmly out of danger. They aren't going to lay down for United by any stretch. Lets hope for a draw so the Liverpool/United drama continues into the final two weeks of the season.
No. 1: Chelsea vs Liverpool at Stamford Bridge
When: Sunday at 10:00AM NBC Sports Network
Last year: Professional pub fighter/defender Martin Skrtel put Liverpool up 1-0 at Stamford Bridge in the third minute last year but Eden Hazard and Samuel Eto'o secured a 2-1 victory for the home side.
Guard of honor time at Stamford Bridge! A guard of honor takes place when a team is crowned champion before the season ends and the opposing team welcomes them onto the pitch by standing in two lines and applauding them. What a way to wrap up Steven Gerrard's career at Liverpool!
There is always drama and controversy when these two meet. Whether it is a goal line call in a Champions League or a human biting another human, these are always fun.
Liverpool have more at stake than Chelsea but the Blues by no means are going to let Liverpool walk in and tarnish their perfect home record. Plus, Chelsea wants to become the seventh team in Premier League history to pass the 90 point mark. Currently sitting on 83, they need to win their final three matches to do so.
Should be a spectacular atmosphere Sunday at Stamford Bridge as these two tack on another chapter to their always-growing rivalry.
Also, remember Sunday is Mother's Day. Don't spend your whole day at the pub. If you are lucky enough to be able to, go see or call your mothers, ya jackals.
That'll do it for this week. Two more Nuclear Wessel's and two more weeks of the Premier League before we call it a year. A little birdie told me Rand plans on using this weekly Friday spot for a new Professional Bowling Association feature. So be on the look for that.