One sure sign of summer’s fleet speed: the revelation of State Fair Foods. Some of them always sound like gimmicks: arugula milkshakes, on a stick! Others, like Frog Testicle Fondue, are intended to make you think “That’s disgusting. I’ll have to try it.” It’s as if they just make stuff up by throwing darts at words in a cookbook. OK … looks like it’s Kiwi-Chili Waffles this year.
In case you missed it, here are some highlights.
• Nutmeg Bricks: Handmade bricks sourced from local clay, fired on-site in our solar-powered kilns, lightly dusted with nutmeg. Bet you can’t lick just one!
• Sea-Monkey Soup
• Dense Kale Bolus: This new treat contains all the vitamins you need, packed into a slowly dissolving kale wad that breaks down in your stomach over the course of several years.
• Frosted Sugar-Dusted Sugarcakes with liquid sugar centers, served with a fork made of sugar. Not recommended for children under 5, unless you have a leash and some chloroform.
• Llama Kebabs, spit-roasted. (Note: this means basted with llama expectorant.)
• Squares of Jell-O with stuff floating inside, topped with Cool Whip; must be posted on Instagram with the hashtags #momfood and #lutheran4life and then eaten ironically.
• Spamsicles (no description provided, or necessary)
It may seem a bit much, but it’s a State Fair tradition. If you go back 100 years you’ll find the newspaper talking about new food innovations, like a Ham-Burger festooned with brined cucumber hash. Even then they wondered how they’d top themselves the next year. Ham-Burgers “painted with extract of mustard?” Sounds mad, but people will try anything once.
Except the Deep-Fried Mini YoYo Donuts. Those you try several times, whether you want to or not.