Naughty holidays

Do you feel out in the cold when the holiday season arrives? Jaded by the crass commercialism of Christmas? Still recovering from spending quality time with the family over Thanksgiving? Then read on, all ye holiday cynics, agnostics and anti-capitalists -- we've got you covered. In recent years, it's become a beloved tradition for some to celebrate the holidays by poking fun at them. So get out your ugliest Christmas sweater and ironic Santa hat and prepare to have yourself a trashy little Xmas.

Nutcracker: The Lost Act

No one can make more fun of the sacred and taboo than Myron Johnson. The Ballet of the Dolls artistic director was one of the first to skewer the holidays in the Twin Cities with the Dolls' long-running "Nutcracker (Not So) Suite." This year he's changing things up, partnering with burlesque troupe Le Cirque Rouge -- themselves no stranger to risqué holiday revues. The ladies and gentleman of Le Cirque have been performing their own bawdy "Nutcracker" number for eight years, so it was only a matter of time before the two groups joined forces. If the show equals the sum of its parts, you're in for an over-the-top evening of glitter, skin and campy Christmas fun.

Trailer Trash's Trashy Little Xmas

Honky-tonk band Trailer Trash has drawn sell-out crowds for nearly 20 years with its debaucherous "Trashy Little Xmas" show at Lee's. These guys are the real deal -- the band's first collection of Christmas covers, 1996's "Hell, It's X-mas," remains one of the best local holiday albums of all time. For the show, revel in the band's revamped classic and not-so-classic holiday tunes, from Clarence Carter's "Backdoor Santa" to Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?" (along with a few originals), and get into the spirit by coming dressed as Santa, Mrs. Claus, or one of their elves. Want to bring the kids? The band has added a G-rated matinee version at the Cedar Cultural Center (noon Dec. 18, $6-$12).

Miss Richfield 1981: Thirty Years on the Throne

The "high priestess of camp," drag star Miss Richfield 1981 has been lovingly mocking the holidays for a dozen years. The first-ring suburban "beauty queen" who believes in God, Aqua Net and hot rollers is back to poke fun at seasonal schmaltz and suburbia with irreverent glee. The two-hour smorgasbord includes scripted comedy, music and dance numbers, video segments, a holiday craft demonstration, an audience singalong, zany costumes (like her heavily ornamented tree costume), and anything-can-happen improv, plus highlights from her show last summer at the gay mecca of Provincetown, Mass. Audience tip: If you want to be part of the action, be sure to sit in the first section or last row of the theater.

If your idea of celebrating the holiday season is an annual trip to see the Guthrie Theater's "A Christmas Carol," then read no further. But if you like your holiday fables with a boozy, irreverent, rated-R-for-language twist, leave grandma at home and head to Actors Theater's "Comedy Roast of Mr. Scrooge" at Camp Bar. Bob Cratchit, Tiny Tim and the rest of the gang finally get to cut loose and take the opportunity to give Ebenezer a piece of their minds, via a hallmark of comedic tradition: a roast that would leave Charles Dickens blushing. One thing's certain -- Scrooge's past is definitely going to come back to haunt him.

Rockstar Snow Emergency

Ah, the snow emergency. No matter how much we may love outdoor winter activities or think "snow is pretty," the snow emergency will curdle the spirits of even the most chipper among us. So it stands to reason that dark comedy is something to which we Minnesotans can particularly relate -- and not just because of the lack of sunlight. The darkly brilliant, dryly hilarious wordsmiths from the Rockstar Storytellers understand this. While the group of outspoken scribes including Courtney McLean, Joseph Scrimshaw and others -- not to mention a so-special-it-can't-be-announced musical guest -- won't shield you from the cold, they will make you laugh through it with their holiday tales of woe, winter mayhem and yes, snow emergencies. After all, it's going to be a long, dark winter, and laughing is better than crying, isn't it?

Nomad's Festivus Celebration

There couldn't be a more irreverent holiday than Festivus ("a Festivus for the rest of us"). The pseudo-holiday was introduced to the world in a 1997 episode of "Seinfeld," though it was invented by the father of show writer Daniel O'Keefe in 1966. For a fourth year, the Nomad is celebrating the holiday with live music from the twang-tinged Silverback Colony, experimental indie band Daybreak and power-pop quintet the Humbugs, a gathering around the Festivus pole, the traditional "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength," and a ham loaf feast.

There are few holidays as divisive as Christmas (except for maybe Valentine's Day). Either you love it or you don't. So for the past few years, the Twin Citie community group Indie Jews has been bringing Christmas orphans out from the cold on Christmas Eve for their raucous Jewbilee party. After a hiatus in 2010, Jewbilee is back and bigger than ever, with live music from Adam Levy, Kin featuring Bobby Z of the Revolution, Rabbi Jon Davis and His Klezmer Orchestra and Kids Like Us; DJ Mike the 2600 King; comedians David Harris and Laura Thorne, and more to be announced. Whether you're among the Jewish brethren, an atheist or a otherwise not celebrating, you have a place to belong on Christmas Eve.

The SantaLand Diaries

If you thought your holidays were stressful, try working as one of Santa's department store elves. Comic writer David Sedaris did just that, and lived to tell about it in his name-making "SantaLand Diaries" essay. In 1996, Joe Mantello adapted the essay for the stage as a one-man, one-act play. For Frank Theatre's production, Joe Leary returns to his acclaimed turn as Sedaris' Crumpet, the Elf, under the direction of Wendy Knox. Chock full of biting commentary on the commercial underbelly of the holidays with a sprinkle of absurdism, "The SantaLand Diaries" provides just the anecdote for holiday overkill.

Ugly Sweater Parties

While we're proclaiming the ugly sweater party is "over," the ironic trend born a few years back is still going strong. For their third annual Worst Christmas Pageant Ever show at the Triple Rock on Dec. 17, local music vets Maudlin will don their worst Christmas sweaters along with the likes of Pictures of Then, the Fontanelles, Little Man, Gabe Douglas of the 4onthefloor, 89.3 The Current's Barb Abney and more to sing Christmas carols like you've never heard them before. (Namely, drunkenly.) As always, the ugliest sweater in the audience wins a prize. On Dec. 22, Ragstock hosts the Ugly Sweater Extravaganza at Memory Lanes featuring live sets from the Jelly Project, Blue Pills and Enormous Beast, plus drink specials and ugly sweaters as far as the eye can see. The next night, head to the Nomad for their Funky Sweater Party with sets from Mikel Wright & the Wrongs, I Like You and Bigtree Bonsai, live art, an art auction and discounted tickets for wearing a holiday sweater or bringing donations of canned food or toys.