Dear Miss Manners: Like so many who work in retail, I have been spending lots of time helping people find Christmas presents. I love the challenge of finding the perfect gift, so I often enjoy my job.
The trouble is that most of the people who come in to my store these days just march in and ask me what their mother (or sister, or father, or cousin) would like for Christmas. When I ask what their mother is interested in, or what they were thinking about getting her, I get only glares or frustrated sighs.
It has become clear to me that what they want me to say is, "Your mother (whom I've never met) would love this fabulous ----------." I have come to the conclusion that what most people are in need of this Christmas are people in their lives who are willing to take some time to think about them.
It is my job to sell things to customers, not to lecture them about what a wonderful process buying a gift for a loved one can be.
Should I talk them into something and send them out the door if that really seems to be what they want? Is there a polite way to get them to start thinking?
Gentle Reader: No -- then they will only ask Miss Manners what to get their unknown and unseen mothers (and sisters and fathers and cousins). Come to think of it, they already do.
This is the attitude that has made a mockery of the exchange of thoughtful presents and turned holidays into a time when friends and relatives pay one another and distribute their shopping lists. Without the symbolism that shows that the giver has paid attention to the tastes and interests of the recipient, it seems a futile exercise.
But neither you nor Miss Manners will be able to supply that. She will keep urging thoughtfulness, and you, who are being put on the spot, must resort to showing the items for sale and asking, "Would she like this?" "Do you think this would please him?"
