OnStar saves the day
Highlights from the metro police blotter, compiled by Susan Hilliard.
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If you two don't quiet down I'm going to TURN THIS CAR AROUND:
This would make an excellent OnStar ad.
Ma'am, this is OnStar, we see you've pulled over by the road.
What? Who is this?
OnStar, ma'am.
Onstahr who? Tom Onstahr? From High school? Why are you speaking through my car? How did you get this number?
Ma'am, this is OnStar, the automotive assistance service. Our satellites show you've pulled over. Is there a problem?
Yes there is a problem because Gavin won't stop hitting his little brother with a book and telling him it's a super book-gun which is just ridiculous in the first place and in the second place I don't approve of guns and he knows that.
Ma'am, is it a book that transforms into a gun, or a book that fires bullets, as in a James Bond weapon?
How should I know? I don't understand how a drinking straw can be a Calgon Light Sword, or whatever it was -
Ma'am, that would be a Qui-Gon Light Saber. It's a character from Star Wars.
Fine, you know so much, you make them shut up. Here. Talk to them.
Children in the backseat! This is OnStar Command. Cease your quarrels or we will use our space lasers to vaporize your ship. Do you doubt my power? Behold, as I turn the door locks on . . . and off . . . and on again. Fear me! Now shut up and let your Mother drive.
Thank you, Tom.
No problem, Ma'am. Have a nice day.
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What does a guy have to do to get deported around here?
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Police! Is there anything they can't do?
Later that day, furnace technicians were dispatched to a report of a prowler, and three Qwest techs were called when a house caught on fire.
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You'll have to speak up, I'm on a cellphone in Cancun. What's up?
It’s too soon to tell how much the immigration crackdown is to blame.
