Minnesotans: Never let 'em see you cry

It's not a good sign when a "happiness" survey comes out and the citizens of your state start carping about it. Minnesotans got grouchy just before Christmas when a study of 1.3 million Americans ranked us 26th happiest among the 50 states. Louisiana was No. 1, and that steamed us, too: There's more to life than crayfish boils and alligator-wrestling.

Even North Dakota, where "happiness" means spotting a tree, edged us out, at No. 25.

Minnesota not happy? Well, you certainly can put us down as not amused.

"Am I missing something," Chuck Lennon of Explore Minnesota Tourism tweeted on Twitter when the news came out. "We're like, REALLY happy here!"

You bet we're happy. And nothing makes us madder than to say we're not. But maybe we're losing our sense of humor about ourselves. For 26th place is also where Minnesota landed in a recent survey of the states to determine their "financial happiness." We didn't do as well as our neighbors on that one: After studying unemployment, foreclosures and nonmortgage debt, Nebraska and Iowa ranked first and second; South Dakota was No. 8, and Wisconsin and North Dakota were 10 and 11. We were No. 26, stuck between Massachusetts and Alabama. Ouch.

Money can't buy happiness. Or, as Tacitus put it: "Many who seem to be struggling with adversity are happy; many, amid great affluence, are utterly miserable."

But a Gallup Poll taken last spring showed a correlation between income and "well-being." Examining emotional health, physical health, healthy behavior, work environment and other factors, the Gallup-Healthways survey found that Silicon Valley had the highest well-being. It also had the second-highest income in the country.

Feel free to test that theory by walking into a bar and saying that we are doing well because we have lots of gays, immigrants and artists -- if you enjoy a good fistfight. That's the funny thing: If well-being or "happiness" has to do with tolerance, diversity and (as other reports have suggested) infrastructure and good access to health care, education and other basic services, the conclusion is obvious:

There is an attack on Happiness in this state. And it's working.

Go back to that bar and proclaim that there is a connection between taxes and well-being: That a state where bridges don't fall down and where schools are fully funded and the wealthy pay a fair percentage of their income in taxes (the same percentage paid by middle-class families) is a happier state than one where the constant refrain is No New Taxes, no matter what has to be cut. A state more concerned about cutting tax rates than maintaining its quality of life is not moving up on the charts.

Minnesota has been sliding on some surveys that attempt to quantify health, happiness and peace of mind. One example: It regularly topped the Most Livable State study. Now, we are in fourth place, and the future does not look up. Good-looking and above average, every one of us? Not as much as we used to think.

Minnesota is in the middle of the country, and we are becoming only middling happy about where we are in life. Or maybe there is a gentler explanation. Perhaps, like the Swede who loved his wife so much he almost told her, we are so happy that we almost say so. Maybe we are happier than we can tell, or even know.

No, we're a little slow to get our inner groove on. But there's hope: If it's snowmobiling or ice fishing that makes you happy, we have the Happiness Resort near Hackensack, which has had the name since 1922 and is on Happiness Lane.

"You can't be grumpy when you live on Happiness Lane," says Cindy Ferris, who has owned the resort for 16 years with her husband, Dave. "We thought about changing the name, but then we thought it's been 'Happiness' since 1922, and we better not mess with that."

There you go: We're happy here in Minnesota.

Don't mess with us.