Mesa Pizza: Cool pizza, bro

School is back in session, which means an exponential increase in the appearance of bopping backpacks, Tevas and hacky sacks around University of Minnesota neighborhoods. It also means that every night, during the magical time known as "bar close," hordes of students will descend upon Dinkytown's Mesa Pizza in an Altamont-like spectacle of hungry, drunken chaos. Mesa just celebrated its sixth anniversary, and based on everything from the tip-jar proclamation that "Donations fund important alcohol research" to the more than 50 seemingly THC-inspired pizza-by-the-slice options, this joint knows its audience and ain't going anywhere.

The slices are reliably tasty, with a crisp, substantial crust, hearty sauce, crisp vege and plenty of meat (cheese and pepperoni is $2.25 a slice; specialty slices are $3.25). But Mesa's true genius is more conceptual: It is a cheap, one-stop shop that satisfies virtually any post-bar food fetish --from cheeseburger to tortellini to Philly cheesesteak. These options just happen to be in pizza form, which you may not notice anyway if you are drunk enough. This is culinary deconstructionism at its most keeping-it-real. Take that, molecular gastronomy.

For example, if you are too drunk to make it to nearby Santana Foods (601 University Av. SE., Mpls.) for its standout gyro, then the Mesa gyro slice may be the next best thing, with soft savory meat, thinly sliced red onion, fruity diced tomatoes and lush tzatziki sauce. Southwest taco provides a nice spicy ground beef, cheddar-cheesy, and creamy-chipotle chaser to a night of tequila-shot pounding. And the Triple Smoked triumvirate of smoked ham, bacon and steak, drizzled in sweet BBQ sauce, would seem Bobby Flay throwdown-worthy after a jag- and beer-soaked karaoke session at Blarney's Pub. The full-meal deal fantasy of Cajun chicken, bacon, cheddar cheese and mashed potatoes known as the Southern Gentleman might be just the calming sustenance necessary to turn aggro-bros from fighters into lovers.

But even the quirky vegetarian girl from your O-Chem class could get frisky over the Avocado Delight -- a smattering of big avocado slices, feta and black bean paste. And your Rastafarian vegan pal can revel in the jam-band-large roasted carrots, artichokes and zucchini on an earthy carpet of tomato sauce via the Vegan slice. More elegant options, like the piquant Kalamata Mozzarella (olive puree, Pecorino, fresh mozz and roasted red peppers), or the balsamic vinegar-drizzled pepperoni-salami, can also make for a perfectly dignified, affordable lunch -- more Milanese café than sidewalk stumble.

What's the No. 1 draft slice pick among the inebriated collegiate crowd? Mac n' Cheese. The simple, nostalgic comfort offered by those cute curled pasta tubes swimming in a sea of warm gooey white and orange cheeses is the top pick for carb-on-carb stomach-lining security and everything-will-be-okay bliss. Well, at least until you graduate. But then there is always grad school.

Dinkytown: 1323 SE. 4th St., Mpls. Uptown: 1440 W. Lake St., Mpls. Web: www.mesapizzamn. com.