Lunch with ex-coach Mason is exercise in levity

Former Gophers coach Glen Mason is sounding as though he'll never coach again.

"No, I don't think I will. I'm a TV announcer," said Mason, who's on the Big Ten Network. "I'm retired. Forced retired."

Puhleeze. Until the right offer is made.

Mason really enjoys broadcasting right now. "It's totally different than coaching," he said. "It's sure not the same, being on the sideline, but you don't have near as many headaches in broadcasting, and I've really been enjoying the tailgating at these great Big Ten universities after the game's over. I've always heard about it; I never partook. That's fun."

We met for sushi at the Grand Hotel's new Zahtar by Fhima in downtown Minneapolis last week along with his friend, Efonda Sproles, Lifetime Fitness' senior area director, and Kim Nevins, the Grand's sales and marketing director.

Sproles hopes Mason will coach again, though he had nothing but praise for coach's broadcasting. "Did you get my e-mail?" Sproles said. "You looked good last weekend, I told you. You didn't stumble. You were articulate. You enunciated beautifully."

Those were by far the nicest comments shared by these two during a wide-ranging lunch, worthy of a comedy stage. Here's some of their act, but a YouTube.com-worthy moment can be viewed at startribune.com/video.

"This is a little something I got from coach's closet. He's got a lot of suits. This is when he used to be a smaller size. So I picked up a couple things."

Mason: "I don't wear polyester anymore."

Subject: Who've you got on "Dancing with the Stars" ?

Sproles: "Warren Sapp did well. Maurice Greene's gotta go."

Mason: "I thought Sapp was great last night. They've got to put [Cloris] Leachman to bed."

Mason: "Naaaw, 82! Aw, let her dance, then."

Subject: Nonstop TV political advertising

"Are they spending money or what?" Mason said. "I haven't seen a beer commercial in months."

Subject: Dating outside your ethnicity

It took a lot to get coach Mason to participate in this discussion. He really loves his wife, Kate, the dentist, and stays in enough trouble with her without help from Sproles.

That floored Sproles, who said: "Be careful. You know what that is." A Brazilian is also a kind of bikini waxing.

Subject: Sproles' cologne

I was noting how much effort Sproles puts into his aura. He's obviously a guy who gets his brows waxed, and during lunch he was notified, unfortunately for him in front of his lunch pals, that he was late for a manicure.

"And he smells good," chimed in Mason. "What are you wearing?"

Sproles said, "Coach, it's a family secret. ..."

Subject: Sproles' stylish footwear.

"Looks like Sir Lancelot should be wearing those," Mason said. "I wouldn't wear those shoes to mow my lawn."

Sproles: "When was the last time you mowed your lawn?"

Lloyd was annoyed A stylish diva donned velvet slippers to grace the Fox 9 green room.

Lloyd Boston, the NBC's "Today Show" style master, was wearing velvet loafers and no socks. Maybe we got off on the wrong foot when I joked that it looked as though he was wearing house slippers. His socklessness was rather gutsy for a non-Minnesotan on such a nippy morn. He stood up, shook my hand. Everything seemed fine.

Bet that works on TMZ.com. Outside, Zupnik continued to debate my assertion that Boston is a prima donna. She also seemed to imply that the problem was that I wasn't on the list of people approved to talk to Boston while videotaping.

She said I could call her office to arrange an interview. Zupnik must translate as "dreamer" in some language.