Job loss, business failure, involuntary retirement, divorce, disability or the death of a breadwinner — these are just some of the ways our finances can force us to come up with a Plan B. That's never as simple as downloading a list and ticking off completed assignments, however.
Checklists can be helpful, for instance when you've just been laid off. But the biggest task after financial loss may be dealing with your emotions after the future you had envisioned disappears.
BE REALISTIC ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS
People who lose a loved one expect to grieve. People who lose their financial security or a standard of living suffer "ambiguous loss," where many elements of their lives are the same but a major element is now gone, says financial therapist Edward Coambs of Charlotte, North Carolina.
"You know what's happened, but it's not like you get a funeral for it," says Coambs, a certified financial planner and couples therapist. He's a member of the Financial Therapy Association, a group of advisors who combine financial and psychological counseling.
Acknowledge that your grief is legitimate rather than trying to minimize what you're going through, Coambs says. Also, don't expect grief to proceed in predictable stages. Psychological research shows that grief is more dynamic than that, and people may feel shifting emotions that can include sadness, despair, confusion, disorientation, fear, anxiety and even relief.
"A lot of the grief around the financial loss is going to feel kind of unexpected," Coambs says. "'Why am I crying now? Why am I angry now? Why am I disappointed or lethargic?'"
This process won't be quick, Coambs says. Our brains get used to our habits and routines. When those get dramatically disrupted, our brains need to catch up.
