Forty million Americans will drive 50 miles or more on Memorial Day weekend. Or 50 people will drive 40 million miles. No, it's the first one, and 17 million of those drivers will be going up to the cabin.
And then they'll turn right around because it took so long to get there that they have to get back. Kidding: You'd have at least an hour. Quick! Do some cabin stuff:
1. Take the powerboat to the lake, where someone's waiting with a rod with a fish already at the end of the line; pull it up, throw it back, motor back to the dock.
2. Dip the kids in the weedy part of the water so they overcome their instinctual revulsion of walking on a nest of drugged snakes.
3. Make brats with the flamethrower, unless you put them atop the engine block to cook on the way.
Now, back in the car so you can beat the 3 a.m. traffic into the Cities.
OK, it's not like that, but those of us without cabins have to tell ourselves that Cabin People's weekends are more trouble than they're worth. Surely it's like an extra house, where most of your time is spent doing repairs.
"Boy, I'm really looking forward to taking a break from fixing the bathroom toilet so I can fix an entirely different bathroom toilet. Man, I can almost taste that well water now. It's like licking rocks."