Lileks: Hunting for a medal without braving the cold

As you may remember, this column holds a "medal search" to compete with the St. Paul Winter Carnival's medallion hunt. The first clue was:

By a tree, or street, or stone

We're always together and always alone

Unfortunately, Mr. Horvad Torgerson of Maple Plain got that right away, and showed up at the office demanding his prize. Informed that the first clue was actually a trap to prove that he had inside sources feeding him information, he fled in a late-model Prius, was struck by the Blue Line light rail and pushed all the way to the Mall of America, where he promptly started telling everyone what incredible mileage he got.

Police have issued a warrant which describes the suspect as tall, thin, and insufferable.

Next clue:

Redder than a shameful cardinal

You will find it in the milk aisle

If that clue's not too eccentric!

Unfortunately, that clue was hacked in advance by cybercriminals, and they got my work computer password and transferred the prize money to a Greek bank. I passed the hat, and we had $4.37 for anyone who finds the medal. The next clue was:

Granny always tweaked your cheek

The fine old lady was a pincher

Trying to log on MNsure

I know, I know, too easy. The medal's true location was hidden in the 438th comment on a news story about the insurance program's problems. But of course no one read it, not even the people who made the 437th and 439th comment. One last clue:

Your cheeks shall have a ruddy glow

Your shape will change to thin from stout

The medal you shall grasp! Too bad

More than 35 people correctly identified the location as "The interior of the Prairie Island Nuclear Reactor," but didn't produce the medal. Sorry! You have to bring it to the front desk to get the $4.37.