Lileks: Does this job description fit in a tweet?

The school superintendent has resigned, and will be replaced by the school district's CEO. In other news: The school system had a CEO.

Hmm. If there's someone who can step right into your job, perhaps their job isn't needed, so I'd eliminate that. But maybe everyone moves up a slot, all the way to the bottom, in which case they should say "The Superintendent has resigned. Effective immediately, we have an open position for a night custodian."

If that's the case, then perhaps the night custodian eventually ends up as superintendent in a few years, considering the churn the office seems to have. Why wait? It might be interesting to take someone who is not overly encumbered with managerial experience and put them in the top job. Let's imagine the interview.

Thank you for coming in. So, are you proficient in 30-slide PowerPoint demonstrations, each slide having at least three bullet points and one action message, culminating in a Vision Statement?

Uh, I thought bullet points were against the gun-free zone policy.

Fine. Can you perform outreach with stakeholders?

Is that like helping kill a vampire?

(pause) Can I get my parking validated? I had to park in the lot.

Yes, of course. Last question: If you had to whiteboard a matrix for the challenges we face, would you put equitability and academic attainment in opposition, or see them as two sides to the same problem?

OK this is, like, nonsense talk. I thought this job was about helping children learn.

You're hired.

It would be interesting to see what changes could be made by someone who was not part of the managerial class, but you fear it would be like throwing a cat in an ocean and expecting it to get all the fish swimming in the same direction. You end up with something wet and scared trying to make it back to shore.

But there's another city-related job I'd rather have. I want to be an innovative team member of the Innovation Team. Bloomberg Philanthropies has given the city of Minneapolis almost $3 million to build Innovation Teams, or i-Teams. According to an official city press release, they will be "initially focused on analyzing whether core City services are delivered equitably throughout Minneapolis."

I have lived my whole adult life waiting for the chance to be initially focused on analyzing something. You cannot fail in a job like that.

In the press release, the mayor elaborated on the search for inequitable core services: "In cases where there is inequitable service delivery or outcomes, (the i-Teams will) work collaboratively with departments to identify and implement strategies to address the disparity."

Imagine your power went out, and you called Xcel. "Hey, there's a line down in my yard, snaking all over the place, sparking like crazy. When can you come fix it?"

"We will be working collaboratively with our repair departments to identify and implement strategies to address the deadly live wire."

"Using Bloomberg Philanthropies' tested Innovation Delivery approach, i-Teams help agency leaders and staff through a data-driven process to assess problems, generate responsive new interventions, develop partnerships, and deliver measurable results."

Let me translate: "We're going to see if poor parts of town are getting screwed over when it comes to government services, and if that's the case, we'll come up with suggestions so that doesn't happen."

Imagine you're living on a block where the tow trucks reaped a dozen cars after a snow emergency, and you wonder if they hit your neighborhood because the residents are less likely to know whether they should park on east-west odd-numbered streets named after 19th-century vice presidents. You might wonder whether there is a disparate impact here.

It's possible you'd be mollified to learn that the city was generating responsive new interventions, and you might say, "OK, but if you're going to deliver results, I want them to be measurable." Or you might just wish your car hadn't been towed.

If the i-Team suggestions make things better, great; it's Bloomberg's money. But if they had some cash left over, perhaps they could rework the lexicon of governmental blather. Imagine if a city official described our political system as "a partnership structure that involves community-driven initiatives, creates multiple engagement possibilities inclusive of all our diverse identities, and produces outcomes that enhance, enrich, and enable city residents to maximize their potential in a flourishing context of civic engagement."

Which reminds me: Does the i-Team grant include social media? If not, someone should apply for another million.