Kris Humphries is off the hook in herpes lawsuit

It looks as if Minnesota-born NBAer Kris Humphries has prevailed in the 2012 lawsuit filed by a California woman who claims he gave her herpes after a 2010 romp.

Kayla Goldberg's attorney did not return my Tuesday phone call to his Los Angeles office to discuss next steps, but Humphries' Minneapolis attorney Lee Hutton III thinks this one is over with. "Kris won on appeal against the young lady who accused him of herpes. We won [earlier] at the summary judgment level and they just wouldn't go away and exercised their right to automatic appeal at the California Court of Appeals. … We got the decision very quick; unheard of to get a decision in two weeks from the court of appeals, basically saying not only does she lose in this, she has to pay Kris' cost."

From my nonlegal perspective there was a problem when Goldberg's first filing included this line: "Kris Humphries, an individual, and John Does 1-4, individuals." That's very bad, kids.

According to the appeals court, "Claims for transmission of sexually transmitted disease require a showing that [Humphries] knew or should have known that [he] was infected with the disease. [Humphries] also offered his own deposition testimony that he never had symptoms of the herpes virus, never tested positive for it and had no other reason to know of any alleged infection."

Coach Lou Holtz's only vice should look pretty good to his wife, Beth.

TMZ caught up with the retired ESPN college football analyst and former Gophers coach (before the Irish came a calling) to discuss the trendiness of pipe smoking. Naturally, Holtz wanted to tell a story:

"I've never smoked a cigarette or cigar in my entire life. At 26 years of age I got married. My wife bought me a pipe. That was [Holtz sounded unsure of his math] 53 years ago. I started smoking. I have a little cubby hole where I smoke at home. She wants me to give it up after 50 some years. I said, 'I don't abuse you verbally or physically. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't run around. Which one of those vices do you want me to take up to replace the pipe?' It's something that I enjoy. It relaxes me. I'm 78 years of age; I have great health."

Forget a brand new bag. James Brown needed socks Saturday.

Ty Stone, a Bloomington James Brown impersonator who's trying to work out a deal with the Godfather of Soul's widow, Tomi Rae Hynie, performed at the Pepito's Parkway Theater stage. While getting into character as Brown, whose hits included, for those without Google, "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag," Stone realized socks had not been packed.

He was adamant about not destroying the Brown illusion by flashing naked ankles during the performance. When handsome backup singer Torrion Amie came backstage to check on things, he lost his socks to the star of the show, who is as much a perfectionist as Brown was.

When I called to get the correct spelling of Amie's name Monday, Stone had an admission.

"I split my pants," he said laughing.

He told me he did not plan to do any splits during this performance, so I left early. "I was saving my splits," said Stone. "I split both pairs of pants."

Around 12:18 p.m. Wednesday talents on AM1500 ESPN were discussing the breaking news story about allegations that the rape kit of a woman who claims she was raped by Blackhawks player Patrick Kane turned up on the doorstep of the victim's mother.

Kudos to the voice calling the development "disturbing." Mild criticism to the guy with the limited vocabulary who kept calling it "weird."

C.J. can be reached at cj@startribune.com and seen on Fox 9's "Jason Show." E-mailers, please state a subject; "Hello" does not count. Attachments are not opened.