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Are you a New Year’s resolution hater? Could you care any less that early Christians reflected on past sins at this time of year or that your neighbor will finally use that Peloton to work out in January? If that’s the case, you’re in good company.
As many as 70% of Americans opt out of the resolution contest, according to the Pew Research Center. As for resolution-makers, nearly a quarter of them drop out within the first week of January. A significant number will be “game over” by mid-January. Happy Quitters Day! You might not be celebrating it yet, but you’ll soon join the rest of us.
As a psychologist and resolution hater, I’m not surprised that resolutions are so reviled. They exert undue pressure, secretly tell us we’re not worthy on our own merits and mock the very nuance we need to actually be successful.
Research suggests that resolutions are way too decisive. We’d be better off leaning into our ambivalence.
Organizational psychologist Naomi Rothman says we incorrectly perceive ambivalence — the capacity to have strong feelings that are contradictory — as a sign of weakness and indecision. Her research shows that in an adversarial environment, leaders who express ambivalence are unfairly judged as less dominant. But, when you put these same leaders into collaborative teams, ambivalence leads to more innovation, productivity and better decision-making. These leaders are viewed as better listeners and more flexible, curious and open to input.
What does this mean for the typical resolution-maker? First off, be careful not to place your resolutions into a zero-sum framework. “Am I succeeding or failing?” is a covert way of asking, “Am I lovable or unlovable this year,” and it’s likely to backfire.
