In America, we are unmoored

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There can be little doubt that something is broken in America. Many have argued that our politics is to blame. To those people it is elected politicians and those who practice the dark arts of politics that have poisoned our society by dividing us into enemy camps. Each of those camps sees the other as “deplorable,” “criminal,” “elite,” “threatening,” “conspiratorial,” “fascistic,” to be “locked up,” or worse. The only thing the people in these two camps seem to share is a mutual distrust and disgust for politics and elections.

But what if politics is the symptom of what is broken in America and not the cause? After all, those in elected office got there because people actually voted for them, and thus those politicians reflect rather than determine the will of the people. If so, what is broken in America is our belief, faith and trust in America itself and in ourselves.

Over the last many decades America has changed more quickly than did we Americans. Because we see change with 20-20 hindsight we are too often enamored of the “good old days,” the way things were. We confuse “good” with familiar. When at last we take our eyes off that rearview mirror and face the present, we find that the world changed when we weren’t looking. Often now things we thought we knew have turned out to be not so true.

Consider a few:

• Once we had four or five media outlets that we trusted. Now we have hundreds that we don’t.

• Going to school was once an obligation. Now it’s considered optional for huge numbers of families.

• We knew our health system would make us well. Now we are more obese, sicker, have shorter life expectancy and are going broke from medical debt all at the same time.

• We knew that a rising economic tide would lift all boats. Now the tides of good fortune are lifting only the swells with their yachts.

• We knew that we could count on population growth to fuel our economy. Now that fuel is evaporating as our population stops growing.

• We knew the police would protect us. Now for too many they are the oppressors.

• We knew that each generation would do better than their parents. Now adult children are living at home in their basements.

• We knew that stop signs, red lights and speed limits were the law. Now we act as if they are merely suggestions.

• We knew the church would save our souls and the Boy Scouts would show us how to live an honorable life. Now we know the predators they harbored damaged the precious young people entrusted to them.

• We knew bad weather was an inconvenience. Now the climate is a threat.

• We knew social media would connect us. Now it is anti-social and has turned against us.

• We knew our culture thrived on the competition of ideas. Now we enforce conformity in a cancel culture.

• We knew the phone numbers of those we needed to call and how to read a map if we needed to get somewhere. Now someone named Siri or Alexa does all that.

• We knew where our data was and how to control it. Now it’s in the “cloud” (wherever that is) and we’re losing control to algorithms, artificial intelligence and hackers.

• We knew that Democrats represented the working man and Republicans the moneyed elite. Now it’s the other way around.

These changes, and so many others, have left us unmoored. We feel confused, abandoned, alienated, despairing, angry and frightened. One result has been the breathtaking loss of trust the Americans express for every institution. Churches, schools, colleges and universities, the media, medicine, the courts, police, government, big and small business, nonprofits, and on and on have lost the trust of the American people. The social contract is broken. And worst of all, Americans have come to believe that we cannot trust one another. Rather than doing unto others as we would have others do unto us — more and more we seem to be living in a time when we do unto others before they do unto us.

For younger generations it means never having that faith in the first place — and not having it now. They don’t trust, are lonely, anxious, in debt and cynical. They want a better version of America.

And in all this where are the leaders?

Some are stoking the fires of our fears — running what is essentially a profitable protection racket. For a few dollars more they will hold back the threats and keep the chaos at bay.

Others are cowering, hoping that by not taking sides, not standing up, not pushing back, not being noticed, all this messiness will go away, and they can return to the comfort of the status quo which has been good for them. They are in denial that the status quo is broken and there is no going back. Standing by the status quo means standing by as their legitimacy is undermined in the eyes of those they claim to serve.

Then, there are the elites. When both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump say the system is rigged, these are the people who do the rigging. They prosper in chaos because they can rig and re-rig the system in their favor almost at will all the while evading accountability for the consequences.

Start with ourselves. The social contract may be broken, but we aren’t. Build a safe harbor with people who see you and seek to help you be your kinder self, with whom you can be vulnerable without being afraid, with whom you can be honest without being attacked, with whom you can be mad without becoming a hater. Let this circle of friends be a place of safety where you are not left alone with your demons.

Then reach out to the groups, organizations and institutions in your life to test if you can be safe with them. Align with those who recognize your humanity and stoke your compassion and kindness, who will see you before they try to sell you, who will be accountable to you, who will trust you before asking for your trust. Flee those that won’t or can’t enable your better self, foster your growth and development, or mitigate your alienation, distress, fear and hate.

And there is the election. Another year, 1968, was one of unimagined chaos and fear. The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., and Robert Kennedy were both killed, and Lyndon Johnson was forced out of running for re-election. Amid that tumult two voices offered direction that can serve us well today. Early in his presidential campaign our own Eugene McCarthy captured what we need today this way: “There is only one issue in this contest … it is the state of this nation and the quality of its leaders.” Several weeks later, on the evening of King’s death, Kennedy defined the leadership that so many yearn for today: “What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but [what we need] is love, and wisdom, and compassion toward one another … .”

The conventional wisdom says that the winner of this year’s election will be the side that most effectively tears down the other side. At the end of such an election we will still be unmoored and worse. We will be adrift in a raging sea of hate and mistrust. Such a campaign would be a disservice to Americans who need — no, long for — something unconventional. A campaign that calls forth the compassion and kindness of our angels and offers safe harbor and healing from our demons.

The real campaign is about to begin. The Republicans have picked their leaders, and they are pursuing a campaign intent not on making things better but on making people, both their supporters and opponents, afraid. Theirs is a campaign of division. I hope the Democrats will resist responding in kind, even though it may feel good in the moment to punch back and “prosecute the case.” Rather, I hope Democrats will pursue a campaign of connection. Recognizing that the condemnation and hate expressed by so many is only a symptom of their hurt, fear, and sense of loss and alienation. Connecting with them where they live, work, play and pray to listen and understand. Showing them the respect they deserve, offering them the compassion they need, and demonstrating through action that there is a welcoming path to a better America that offers every American a safe anchorage in these confusing and uncertain times.