New Cell Phone App. For your duck and deer hunting buddies who insist on bringing their cell phones to the duck blind and deer stand. The ring tone can be set to either a mallard quacking or a buck snorting. And when your pal tries to answer the phone there is an endless loop recording which screams "turn off your phone, you idiot!"
Gift Certificate From The Church Nurse. Good for three Heimlich Maneuver training sessions in the church basement. Perfect for the spouse of your buddy who has announced he's forsaking the turkey box call for the diaphragm call.
Best Selling Recipe Book. Delight your wing-shooting-challenged partner with this one...Simple Meals For Vegans.
The Original Club Steering Wheel Lock. Buy two. One for your spend thrift pal and one for yourself. Simply apply to your truck's steering wheel when you are two miles from the Interstate exit to Cabela's. Remove it after you've safely made it two miles past the exit. Cabela's -- where even a wise man and his money are soon parted.
The Encyclopedia of the Dog. Great book for your deer hunting pal who is prone to harvesting yearlings. Paper back field edition can be referred to in the deer stand to distinguish between Bambi and Bowser. It's the least you can do for the neighborhood dogs.
Truth Teller Calculator. Simple and inexpensive, this low-tech, hand-held calculator has but one function. It divides by two. Perfect for your buddy who said he killed six roosters last weekend but you later learned he bagged just three. He can use the truth teller when reporting all future hunting results. For example, when he claims his eight point buck dressed out at 140, you'll know to grieve for Bambi's button buck little brother who tipped the scales at just 70 pounds. Or when he boasts a 22-pound beard-dragging gobbler, you'll know the world has lost an anorexic jake that weighed 11 lbs.
Extra Long Range Binoculars. For your pheasant hunting pal who reports his new bird dog "has a great nose but tends to run a little wide." These babies will deliver a clear view of bird-busting dog work two farms away.
No Doz Pills. For your boss who just returned from one of those $350-per-gun-per-day pheasant trips and said they were hunting all wild birds. He must have slept right through the game truck delivery.
