There are huggers, and then there is Misha Estrin, who estimates he's embraced some 150,000 strangers in the decade since he transformed from introverted University of Minnesota student to the Free Hugs Guy.
The semiprofessional hugger and stand-up comedian has spent countless hours dressed in head-to-toe, skintight tiger-print, holding up a "Free Hugs" sign. He's welcomed the masses into his arms all over campus, as well as large concerts, sporting events and parades.
But when the coronavirus arrived, Free Hugs Guy went from beloved local mascot to "scariest Halloween costume of the year," Estrin said.
As the pandemic raged, Estrin was just one of the many who abstained from hugging — and sorely missed the powerful source of comfort and connection.
"When you're hugging somebody, you've broken down all walls, you've broken down any tension," Estrin said. "You're just embracing who they are and radically, unconditionally accepting them and sending them love in a beautiful way.
"That's the meaning of a hug: to let someone know they're important, they're special."
In March, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention gave the OK for those fully vaccinated to embrace. Since then, some have been hugging to their hearts' content. Others, such as Estrin, whose "Free Hugs" sign is still on hiatus, have been taking a more cautious approach.
And then there are, of course, the hug-averse, who are now forced to come up with a new excuse for rejecting anyone approaching with outstretched arms.
Hugs come in all shapes and sizes. They can be casual greetings, joyful celebrations or a profound source of comfort in the face of a loss. And they can benefit our mental and physical health.
Making us feel better
A 2018 study found that hugging after a conflict or negative event improved the recipient's mood, putting data behind what many know intuitively: Hugs make us feel better.
"Consensual hugs from loved ones activate areas of our brain associated with reward and pleasure," said Michael Murphy, a psychology professor at Texas Tech University and co-author of the study. "However, researchers generally think that supportive touch primarily benefits our health and well-being by reminding us that we belong."
Psychologically, Murphy said, this type of touch reminds us that we have people in our lives who love and care about us. Feeling supported and connected can calm anxiety and improve our ability to cope with difficult experiences.
Threats to our well-being trigger our body's "fight or flight" response, which, if activated too frequently, can lead to harmful changes in how our cardiovascular, endocrine and immune systems function, Murphy explained. But a hug can dampen our response, thereby protecting us from the harmful effects of stress.
Especially in situations when you don't know what to say, or worry about saying the wrong thing, hugging can be a way to convey support without the risk of making someone feel worse, which can sometimes happen with verbal responses, Murphy noted.
The balm of touch
Rachel Hardeman of Golden Valley missed hugs most acutely after she lost two uncles to COVID-19 late last year.
The University of Minnesota professor said she felt helpless when she was trying to support her cousin, whose father had died.
"I would call her to check in, I would have food delivered to her apartment, I would send her text messages, but nothing quite felt like enough," Hardeman explained.
Hardeman described the doubly painful experience of having COVID-19 not only take the lives of her family members, but also their loved ones' ability to grieve in a communal way, through shared space and physical touch.
"Human touch during these painful moments is one of the few things we can do to show our love and support for one another," she said.
After being vaccinated, Hardeman was finally able to hug her cousin in early May. "It brought back a flood of emotions — pain, despair and grief — but also a feeling of gratitude," she said.
Long-term impact?
The long-term effect of a year without hugs is uncertain.
While studies have shown that babies and young children deprived of affectionate touch tend to have more developmental delays, the impact of touch deprivation on adults is less known, Murphy said.
There are many factors that might play into the long-term impacts of our year of social distancing. For example, an individual who knows people who became seriously ill with COVID-19, or became ill themselves, may develop aversion to social contact.
But Murphy noted that touch-free ways of reminding our loved ones that we care about them would presumably reduce any negative effects of forgoing physical contact. And humans, on average, are remarkably resilient.
A respite for non-huggers
For Julie Blaha of Ramsey, social distancing offered a respite from uncomfortable hugs. After being vaccinated, she joked that she'd need a new excuse not to jump back into physical closeness, arms first.
It's not so much that Minnesota's State Auditor prefers not to be touched, it's more that she's worried she's going to screw things up.
"It's just that I am so awkward," she admitted. "And when people come at me — and it kind of feels that way — I'm not always sure what to do. I stick my arms forward and hope things go OK. I'm worried I'm going to put out an eye as I go in because I'm just not graceful in close spaces."
Blaha has ADHD, which makes her prone to quick movements, big hand gestures and clumsiness, so she tends to prefer more personal space.
She found that being hug-averse was especially tricky when she was running for public office. To dodge a hug, she'd sometimes look away from the person, to look distracted. Or deploy a more forceful technique: "You can just cough a little bit into your arm right before someone's coming after you for a hug, and it turns them away," she said.
Blaha wants hug enthusiasts to know that her hug avoidance isn't personal. The thing she dreads most is being hugged by surprise.
When approaching someone who may be hug-averse, she suggests offering a verbal cue (like, "bring it in") and then pausing for a moment.
"Announce yourself and then give me a second to figure out what's going on," she suggested.
In recent years, Blaha has become more comfortable hugging family members, spurred by becoming a grandparent and her sister dying of cancer. She said she plans to make a conscious effort to get more comfortable with hugs as the pandemic wanes.
"I know people are intending to make a connection, and that they're handing me a gift, so I'm trying to learn to say yes to a gift."
If you're rusty
As hugs return, Murphy stressed the importance of respecting others' boundaries.
Even people who were avid huggers before the pandemic might not yet feel comfortable embracing again. And there are times and places, particularly in professional settings, where hugs are inappropriate. And there are people who prefer not to be touched.
But when a hug is mutually welcomed, Estrin, the Free Hugs Guy, suggested the main thing to keep in mind is concentrating your thoughts and feelings on how much you love and appreciate the other person.
"It really is a transference of states of mind and emotion, that when you're hugging someone you're transferring your happiness," he said.
And the best position, Estrin said, is a heart-to-heart hug. "Put your hearts together and then you can actually have your hearts beat as one."
