How some St. Paul college students are learning to connect without cellphones

Eighteen students filed into Kelly Matthias' freshman seminar at St. Paul's Concordia University last week, quickly settling into their seats to wolf down lunch, open notebooks or laugh with classmates.

What they didn't do was check their cellphones, because Matthias, an engaging presence at the front of the room, had collected them in a heap atop a cabinet.

Matthias is no meanie. The exercise is part of a thoughtful, yearlong program designed to help first-year Concordia students reflect upon, and possibly resist, the enormous pull of technology in their lives.

Matthias, the school's service learning director, held open her well-highlighted copy of the 2015 book "Reclaiming Conversation," by Sherry Turkle, and introduced the dilemma of the day: multi-tasking.

For many years, Concordia has picked a book to read university-wide, including recent titles "Half the Sky" and "Peace Like a River." But "Reclaiming Conversation" is resonating loudly with faculty and students. The book warns that while we are more connected than ever to one another, we are not in relationship with one another. Our diminishing appreciation of and ability to have face-to-face conversation, Turkle believes, imperil our greatest human capacities for empathy, friendship and intimacy.

Winton Poley, 18, is one of many students I talked with whose initial skepticism about the project turned to enthusiastic support. "You can't really study nowadays without technology," acknowledged Poley, a postsecondary enrollment options student (PSEO) from Orono High School. "I liked it before then, with people just talking more."

In addition, the university is sponsoring a Silent Reading Club several times a month, where students are encouraged to sit in a cozy room with a book and read. No talking or multi-tasking allowed.

But scariest of all for many students are the six or so "conversation stations" set up around campus, with two facing chairs in cozy nooks, and a list of 40-plus icebreaker questions taped to the wall.

Freshmen are required to sit down with a student they do not know well and talk — for five minutes.

"They say, 'This is the worst assignment ever!' " Matthias said with a laugh. Afterward, they tell her: "This was really interesting and good for me to do."

Dave Woodard, a professor of history and political science, and a champion of this effort, quickly clarifies that nobody on the teaching staff is anti-technology.

"But the students are on their phones and computers too much," he said. "They know there's a problem, but they don't quite know what to do about it."

But any parent of a child of this generation doesn't need research to confirm that our kids are wired, tired and easily distracted.

"I'll be writing a paper and I'll get an e-mail and I forget what I wanted to say," one student told Matthias. "I'll click the wrong tab and I'll end up on e-mail, and it takes me 20 minutes to get back to my paper," said another. Not to mention the panic, they say, when they can't find a charging station.

"They claim they just can't read a whole book," said Woodard, who has been teaching at Concordia for 15 years. "What do you do as a teacher? Assign just really skinny books?"

Another challenge is that many young people express increasing discomfort in normal social situations. There is nothing worse for many young people than awkward moments of silence.

Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter to the rescue.

And not just for students. Matthias downloaded an app last summer called BreakFree, which tracks personal usage of one's mobile device. She was "shocked" to learn that she used her phone 157 times in a single day.

Woodard can't live without his computer or cellphone, either. But he was raised before the devices were ubiquitous. He is comfortable engaging in 20th-century-style conversation. Not so his students.

So, thumbs-up emojis to all of them for trying.

Tayler King, 18, of St. Paul, said she was "very nervous" to sit down at a conversation station with fellow freshman Elizabeth Otto and choose among many compelling questions, such as: Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say?

Or, What is your meaning of life? What's the bravest thing you've ever done? What do you define as family?

"We went and sat down and she picked a random question about a vacation," she said of Otto, also 18. The five minutes, she said, "flew by." Now, when she sees Otto, "We say hi. I kind of like to have the personal relationship."

Marshall Jeppeson, a 19-year-old freshman from Green Bay, Wis., sat down with Poley. Both young men understand the weight they're under, technologically speaking. "There are points when I'm on my phone and I have to set it down because I am not being productive," Jeppeson said. "It's such a relief when you don't have it."

"I like to say that I don't use it a lot, but I feel like I do," Poley said. "If I'm bored, I'll check Facebook or Snapchat. You feel like you have to look at it and respond."

The conversation station was a revelation to both. "I got to know him way more in-depth," Jeppeson said of Poley. "He told me about living in Costa Rica. He's one of my really good friends now.

"If I would have just texted him, we would never have talked to each other again. Now, I just walk to his room and knock on his door and say, 'Hey, I'm going to do this in 10 minutes. Wanna come with?' "

gail.rosenblum@startribune.com 612-673-7350 • Twitter: @grosenblum