Q: Our working adult child and his kid live with us. How do we tell him he needs to move out without feeling guilty for kicking out the grandchild, too?
A: Consider your motives. If you are focusing on yourself, you are on solid ground. You may be tired of sharing the car, or you may want the spare bedroom back. You may want to leave parenthood behind. If so, your motives are solid.
If you are focusing more on trying to force your son to grow up, then you are on shakier ground. These are lessons that you should have started long ago. If this is the case, seek more self-knowledge before acting.
Once you have your motives straight you can proceed with grace. Don't lecture your son about what he "should" do. Show him that you believe in his ability to take care of himself and his child.
You don't mention the age of your grandchild, so it's hard to say what impact this will have there. If the child is not old enough to comprehend what's happening and why, that's a conversation you might need to have down the road.
DEBBIE PINCUS WARD, parenting coach
A: I suggest a positive, five-point discussion with your son.
• Begin by acknowledging the value of this experience, and explain how you are grateful for the time you've had together.
