Pet parents sometimes admit that losing an animal companions can be as hard as losing a human family member.
"Humans don't go crazy with joy when you come back inside after getting the mail," said Leigh Ann Gerk, a pet loss grief counselor in Loveland, Colo., and founder of Mourning to Light Pet Loss. "Human relationships, while important, can be difficult. Our relationship with our pets is simple. They love us just as we are."
When someone is dealing with the death of a pet, people want to help, but often don't know how. Sometimes their comments can hurt.
"Greater society doesn't recognize the intensity of this loss and the grieving that comes with it," said Jessica Kwerel, a D.C. psychotherapist who specializes in pet loss.
Here are a few suggestions on how to support grieving pet parents:
- Avoid euphemisms and platitudes. Don't say, "They are in a better place," since "the only place you want your pet is in your home," Gerk said. Other things not to say: "They're running free," "They're not in pain anymore," or "They're with your other dogs now."
While some people might find these phrases healing, others may see them as dismissive, Kwerel said. "That's trying to apply logic to an emotional experience."
- Never say an animal has been "put to sleep," when explaining a pet's death to a young child. That may cause them to fear going to sleep at night. "Instead, you can say: 'We helped him along in his dying process,' " Kwerel said.
- Be careful with "Rainbow Bridge" imagery. The Rainbow Bridge is a mythical overpass where grieving pet parents are said to reunite forever with their departed animals.
"That's not a belief system for some people," Gerk said.
- Share your pet grief story. It can help the grieving pet parent to know you've been through it, too. But don't make the conversation about yourself.
"Don't compare grief situations," said Michele Pich, assistant director of the Shreiber Family Pet Therapy program at Rowan University. "That won't help. You can say: 'I understand how painful this can be,' but keep the focus on this current experience."
