We're in the biggest economic nosedive in 25 years, unemployment is soaring, foreclosures and bankruptcies are exploding, businesses are failing, aid to the needy is shrinking and the state is looking at a $2 billion deficit or maybe even larger, but I come to you today with the good news that not all is lost:
Our stadiums are on track!
When life starts to get you down, it is important to look for the silver lining and remember that the glass is half full.
Our billionaires are doing great, and there could be three new Sports Romper Rooms by the end of next year. If your husband lost his job or your wife has to work six days a week to make ends meet, or your kids have to wait for braces, it's OK.
Minneapolis is getting spiffier! The view from the soup lines will be brighter as the hungry and the homeless scan the skyline and see shiny harbingers of good times to come:
On the East, a new football stadium that stands like a beacon of prosperity amid the forlorn campus of the University of Minnesota, hit by hiring freezes and soaring tuition rates but clinging to hope that Tim (8-15) Brewster knows what he is doing or might find out by the time the new $300 million stadium opens; and ...
On the West, a shiny new steam-scented baseball stadium is rising beside the garbage burner, a $500 million gift from the taxpayers of Hennepin County, whose beneficent rulers must have known it would be good to have hundreds of new hotdog vending positions coming onto the job market.
And, still but a dream, there it is: In the heart of the city, where the Metrodome used to be an eyesore, a new $1 billion Zyggi-urat, where the Minnesota Vikings will be able to climb to Valhalla in a modern football temple worthy of the vision of Zygi Wilf. So stop whining, children: We're almost to the feeding site and you will get something hot to eat soon. In the meantime, feast on the idea of a magnificent football shrine!
