The Gophers football program has been the recipient of many moral-victory bouquets through a half-century of mostly irrelevance.

On Saturday, the Gophers made history by achieving a rare demoralizing victory.

"There's no such thing as a bad win," coach Tracy Claeys declared.

Actually, there is.

Exhibit A: Gophers 34, Rutgers 32, a game so poorly played that a postcard fall Saturday afternoon felt downright dreary.

Sorry for raining on the homecoming parade. It's just hard to pat the Gophers on their collective backs after they needed a last-second field goal to survive against an 18-point underdog that is winless in the Big Ten and had been outscored 174-14 in those contests and ranks among the worst teams nationally in scoring offense, scoring defense, total offense, total defense and probably a bunch of other statistical categories.

No team should ever apologize for winning, but don't pass gas and tell us the room smells lovely.

The fact that the Gophers needed a game-winning drive after sprinting to a 21-3 lead in the first quarter should muffle their excitement.

Standards should be a little higher, right?

They should buy Rodney Smith a steak dinner for saving them from colossal embarrassment. Smith was magnificent as a runner and returner, easily the best player in a game overflowing with mind-numbing mistakes and decisions.

The Gophers looked like they would be able to name the final score after one quarter. They moved up and down the field while Rutgers played like Rutgers.

And then something changed. Don't know if the Gophers lost focus or urgency or started thinking they were Ohio State, but the two teams looked evenly matched for the final three quarters. That doesn't inspire much confidence.

The Gophers won't win against better competition playing this way, making undisciplined mistakes.

Here's a sampling:

They committed a personal foul in the red zone when lineman Donnell Greene took a swipe at a defender after the whistle. That lost yardage led to a missed field goal.

They opened the second half by kicking the ball out of bounds.

They gave an up interception return for a touchdown when two receivers collided while running their routes. Unaware of the confusion, Mitch Leidner threw the ball to a Rutgers defender.

They got stuffed on fourth-and-1 twice and botched another potential fourth-down attempt with a penalty.

Their first fourth-down play came late in the third with the Gophers leading 31-23. They had the ball at the Rutgers 10.

A short field goal would have given them an 11-point lead. Claeys went for it instead. Leidner was stopped for no gain on an option run.

"I was going to go for that the whole time," Claeys said.

Claeys was prepared to take a bigger risk in the fourth quarter with his team clinging to a 31-29 lead and facing fourth-and-2 from the Rutgers 45.

Claeys called a timeout, discussed the play and then sent his offense onto the field.

False start.

Punt.

The officials — or actually the guilty party, tight end Colton Beebe — might have done Claeys a favor. Gambling on fourth down at that distance and that spot on the field seemed unnecessary.

The Gophers followed later with another failed fourth-down run and a muffed punt by normally sure-handed senior Drew Wolitarsky.

"You muff a punt, yeah, it's unacceptable," Claeys said.

So was the Gophers defense, at times, against a Rutgers offense that entered the game ranked 127th out of 128 teams in total offense and was breaking in a new starting quarterback.

Giovanni Rescigno tossed two awful interceptions — one in the end zone seconds before halftime — but also passed for 220 yards and three touchdowns against a U defense that had problems stopping the run, too.

"It just drains you," Claeys said of his defense's inability to contain the run.

That's how the second half felt, draining. The Gophers deserve credit for putting together a game-winning drive and field goal. The outcome certainly could have been worse.

Yes, a win is a win. Some fans will complain about anyone who dares criticize in victory. The bar should be higher by now.

The Gophers blew a large lead and nearly lost to the worst team in the conference. Celebration should be kept in perspective.

Chip Scoggins chip.scoggins@startribune.com